pour some sugar on me

He's been quite nice to me lately - he bought me a new black dildo. I'm not really sure whether the fact that I was giving him what he wants that makes him joyful or that he finally sees that I'm struggling my ass managing everything to keep the family normal and he's being appreciative about it. Well..I know I'm asking a question where I have an obvious answer.

It's such a huge conflict to my life when on one hand you struggle to keep life as normal as possible and on the other hand you begin to enjoy the other side of life in which you know it's totally wrong. No matter how hard you try to keep your life normal, it just didn't seem to work out because your objectives and his drives are different. I just feel that it keeps pulling me deeper and I'm scare to where it's leading to.

If it's not about sex, we argued, and lately I fight back because I just don't care. But deep down, I don't like it because I know I shouldn't have hurt him as he is my husband who want to see me fuckwithotherman? WTF?? So how? My life is so fucked up like that! But the point that I'm aware it is wrong, works as a gate keeper for me. But how long can I rely to it ? What happen when the gate can no longer hold it and leashed out those vices in me? There's a very fine line that stops me from doing so and I try to be as strong as I could to hold on. Temptation is the word. And I am someone who's libido is like pantang-sentuh-terus-on beb! Haha..and that's a fuckin lie trust me.

I see him as someone who needs medication and his medication is me. He's addicted to me and I'm not curing him but making him worst instead. And the scary part is, I begin to like it - sweet revenge, to do all things he wanted me to do, to listen how he whispered how good I am and how he loves me so much and that he's willing to do anything that I want him to do and as if I have him at my feet (sorry to say this). Seriously, I don't want that, and I never used that power even though I know I can. I don't want to be doomed in hell for that. That's not my purpose of life. I just want a normal happy life like everyone else. But that's the catch, it's like you can have it when you lead it differently, as the way he wants it.

It's sickening, that every time you fuck, you need to have a chat with another guy to get him aroused but I can't deny that when I'm really high, I don't mindfuck about it, and kinda like it anyway and I know guys went crazy over it too. And worst, thing's get more extensive for me - macam main game..the basic levels no longer excites you and you were pushed to move on to more advance level. Like last week, he set up a date for me with one mamat mana ntah. Mental siotsss! But I told him I already made a promise to accompany a friend to meet her client (God saved me). So he's disappointed that I put my friend first before him and started to say bad things about it. It was so annoying okay. So we quarrel for few days, which is good coz I can just ignore him..and because I know he will make his move to reconcile it..3 days (max) after that..with sex of course.

His usual trick - I got angry with him and he didn't touch me so I gersang for few days and find someone else to fuck during that period and he would get that story out when he fucked my brains out. Oh and sorry was never part of the reconciliation process. Just fuck the way he likes and everything will be just fine like nothing had ever happened. And the persuasion goes on and on. As long as I fulfill all his needs, he will be good to me.

So that how it goes. Till when ? Only God knows. Nothing seems to matter that much now. When nights come, all that matter is some good fucks, a bar of MARS choc on bed and beautiful sleep. And girl, that's one secret to your good glow and youthfulness ;)
 

Making the headlines

Apparently there are many psycho wankers out there. I still can say it's a psycho act based on religions and social norms that we have but unless at a point that I myself think that this is acceptable, therefore I'm the psycho who think that I'm normal and the rest are all psychos. God forbid!

Like I said. I'm not alone facing this shit! From stories and cases shared below it's either things will get exposed to public - 'sapa-yang-malu?-mereka-dan-keluarga-mereka' case or the husband's dead.

And they all are their husbands - a man you suppose to protect, love, cherish and watever nice words there are.. well I don't give a fuck.

I feel for them, what they had to go through, emotionally battered, lost, scared and all shitty feelings that no one will understand. And people will question why does it took you so long to get out of it? And started to judge and prejudice to all your effort to find a safer and happy life. And that's just sad.

The fact is that, no matter how their husband treated these women (including me), we all love-eh-watefak their husband. Clinging to whatever possible hope, that one day they will change to better but went worst - moving to more extreme levels. What being sucked out of you, will never enough. And that all the sacrifices are for their kids to be in a family. It's all about other people happiness except yourself. That's how stupid a woman can be in the eyes of others.

Case 1 : Refer Sodomized

Case 2 : Skype

Case 3 : The Pastor Wife

I wanna be stronger and wiser. I want to be in control of him and of everything. And like they said, things that didn't kill you, makes you stronger. And I will be a good mother, a successful women - that are the things within my control. 

Those that beyond my control (can't control myself situation ?), I just give myself a hard fuck up.

Just pray that I won't make any headlines la ye!

** Listening to John Mayer - Gravity while eating kerepok ikan keras boleh tercabut gigi!!