Hope for heart

First of all..lama tak hupdate sebab memang bz gil babs. Sometime I got so many things to write, but ended up writing them in my head when zzzzing off and when morning came, it all dried up macam air liur basi kat atas bantal tu hah! Eauww.

Anyways, lepas Raya aritu I was so tight up with work. Then I had to take leave about a week to go back to hometown di Landen coz my dad need to go through an angiogram procedure. So his house were packed with all my brothers and sisters and their kids. He had 2 stems blocked in heart and need to put some 'ballon' to clear the clot. Ni kira layman nyer term la. So apparently they were severely blocked that the procedure was not successful and need to go for a bypass (open heart surgery) end of this Oct. Hopefully he can make it. Insyaallah.

My mom and dad separated when I was 15. So I've not been living with him for long time but we are close. So it was kinda funny conversation I had with him after he had the operations and before I went back to KL.

Father :

Mahal kan nak buat bypass tu.(with worried tone)

Daughter yg owesome :

Dad, you no need to worry about that. That will be your kids responsibility to take care of that. Let your kids do their part. You also need to play your part to prepare physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. Marissa tak setuju langsung if you want to see that person you said can heal secara batin with only RM70 WTF Dad!! There's no such crap. I knew a person who did that but it cost him more than 5K.

Father :

Yela..tapi kita usaha je.

Daughter yang owesome :

Memang la kita kena usaha. Tapi konsep tu dah salah dah Dad! Effort tu have to come within yourself. What is firm is that you have a heart blockage. What you need to do now is to prepare mentally that you're going to undergo that operations. If you keep on thinking about alternatives, means that you don't have the confidence to go through it. So you will not have that positive mind that it will be a success. Lain la if Doc said dah tak de cara lain dah..then we can find other alternatives. You have to stay positive and braver than brave, which I know you have coz I'm your daughter. When you undergo the ops, your lung and heart will stop. The machine will help to circulate the blood to the brain, but in the heart what's remain is your feeling. Feelings do not reside in the brain. So Dad, you have to stay positive so you will power will beat your heart, if not the negative feelings will overcome and it wouldn't turn out good. Pastu Dad, you have to cut smoking and solat. It's been long time you didn't solat. What happpen? Last time sembahyang pon tak tinggal.

Father :

Yes I know, sometimes things get over my head and I gave up.

Daughter yang owesome :

Dad, you can't. Now it's not the time for you to think about others. You need to be selfish and think about yourself. Hal anak-anak, there's nothing much you can do. Let them live their life. Jatuh bangun salah silap, let them go through it, it's part and parcel of life. What you need to do is just pray for them and for you to prepare yourself nanti.

Father :

Yes I know, Dad dah banyak overdraft. Tapi Allah tu maha penyayang dan pengampun

Daughter yang owesome :

Ye Dad but you have to show your effort. Think about yourself and not others.

Father :

Ok nanti Dad solat when I'm well

Daughter yang owesome :

No Dad, you have to do it now. Dad sakit, so when you pray, Insyallah Allah listens more. You even have privilege to pray sitting cause of your leg. Dad, I'm not saying I'm good myself Dad. Not at all. I'm saying it because it's the right thing to do and above all because I love you Dad.

He looks sad but hopeful at same time.

When having that conversation, I felt as if the world just stopped. It was so meaningful to me. He's 70, he's more knowledgeable than me. What kind of advise he has not heard before in his life and what more coming from her daughter. I gave it straight from my heart, I hope it touches him in some way.

Giving him that kinda advise left me more impact as I felt that I was talking to myself instead. It sort of  tied me with the commitment to actually accomplish what I've said, else I just felt that I would be lying to myself and a hypocrite.

Ok la..wa need to take call with Brazil, China and US people. It's around 8.30 US time now and the opposite for KL time. That's how technologies make world smaller.

Banyak lagi citer. Nanti if sempat wa sambung lagi. Daaa :)

Syawal 6

Not too late I guess to wish me reader Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, Maaf Zahir dan Batin in acronyms it's SHRAMZB uols. In some ways I do make lot of mistakes either intentionally or not. Manusia itu sendiri pon bermaksud lalai kann..

Anyways, I'm back to work yesterday and it was crazy lah! Dengan pending issue la..campur dengan puak-puak auditor yang menyibuk nak audit hujung-hujung bulan nih. Haihh!!

Oh ya! Reached KLIA from Taiwan last Friday nite. It was a nice journey back. I got to see great panoramic view from the airplane. Serious shit it was a puzzle to me till now. I was starring outside the window plane and even asked the passenger sitting infront of me if she's seeing what I'm seeing. And she asked her husband and her husband said it's probably a ship. "Takan la kapal bang!! Kita tinggi ni kan"

What I saw were few stars in orange / yellow color and it's beneath the airplane and we were above 19K sea level! Takan la lampu kapal kot. Those stars were in clusters and so beautiful. I did took few pics of it, but they were not that clear. Anyways, was telling my dad and he said what I saw were probably some ice trapped in the cloud and it glittered due to reflection from the sun! Aiseyyyman! I was expecting that I saw some shooting star tengah lepak-lepak on the cloud or better still some malaikat tengah transit nak naik langit ke 7 ke! Muahahaha..so sapa tau kasitau.

Raya was awesome! I went back to his kampung on Saturday morning. Wa orang bandar, so kampung environment wa memang appreciate. He's treating me nice and no longer said bad things to me. So I'm feeling much calmer now. Though he still need me to tell him about other jantans but I'm fine coz he didn't talked about it the next day or asking me to do weird stuff anymore! So I'm ok..slow slow..I must have done something to make him changed drastically I guess!

So I'm hoping life continue to be better for me and for rest of us. So enjoy your Hari Raya uols. Adios!

Duit raya from Marissa..muahaha *ngada

Day 3 - Taipei

I had such a great time tonite. It superseded those dull hours I spent during the workshop. Tu belom masuk lagi minit-minit mencemaskan tersengguk-sengguk nak tertido. Ceh! In the workshop I had people from many backgrounds. Ada cina Taiwan, cina China, cina Malaysia, cina Australia, Jepun and American. So macam-macam style ado. Si Jepun ni memang jaga timing dia, tapi break tu musti..kejap-kejap break. Sabo je la. And the discussions sometimes dragging jugak tu yang selalu couldn't manage to finish on time.

So today I suppose to have team dinner at some Chinese restaurant. Sedap katanya..macam-macam masakan babi ada. Muahahaha! I told my boss, I'm not going coz I don't feel comfortable and nanti pergi pon macam out of place. Takan nak makan nasik ngan sayur celur je. Pastu depa sure nak mabuk-mabuk sumer. My boss memang ok..dia paham! Yang lain pon paham..tapi malas la nak buang karen explain kat yang lain and it doesn't effect my credibility pon. So that dinner is not an importance to me pon. So wa kawtim cakap organizer cakap sakit purut. Abis citer.

So once the workshop over, cepat-cepat grab a cab. Tunjuk je card restaurant tu in Mandarin writing. Sini cab senang and most cabs are either Toyota or Wish beb!! Kalah KL! Cilok pon not bad. Skali tekan je berdesupp!! So I got there 10 mins late. Buka puasa kat sini dalam 6.30pm camtu. So arini order shrimp fried rice and tapau mihun goreng untuk sahur. Masa masuk tu Haji Yunus tu sound la cakap ada family from Malaysia juga. So as I passed them by, I smiled and took my seat. Belek-belek BB yang takde internet data tu..tengok gambar..sambil gelak sorang-sorang. Sini they didn't support BB sangat. So boleh call je. Major phone are HTC (product Taiwan), iPhone, Samsung etc. Camtu la. Si Haji Yunus tu siap kasik free sup and dessert lagi! Baik hati, murah rezki dia.

So lepas makan, I was about to make my move back to hotel. So I dropped by tegur la family from Malaysia tu - the husband, wife and their son.

Baru sampai ke? Marissa pon bertanya

Eh tak la, we all duduk sini. I kerja kat embassy Malaysia! Si husband pon kuar la kad dia..ada la lambang kerajaan Malaysia on his name card. And I gave mine.

So dia soh la duduk. Borak-borak about my stay and Taiwan. Memandangkan saya memang la seorang yang peramah, dengan communication skill yang superb - it was a great conversation.

Pastu depa ajak pi Ximen..jalan-jalan beli barang. Apparently they are also going back to Malaysia after 4 years this Friday and in same flight as me. Marbeles!

They paid for my dinner beb! Baik hati sungguh manusia ini! Then the son hailed cab and headed to Ximen in Toyota Wish ye! And he paid for the cab too. Alhamdulillah!

So I bought some t-shirts, handbag, keychains, fridge magnet and insist in buying them bubble tea. I had such great company with them. Such a nice people in an alien soil of Taipei. I'm so blessed.

So malam pon dah semakin tua, so they get me a cab..cakap Mandarin kat cab driver tu. On the way back I called hubs and kids asking how they doing, how I missed them so much. I reached my hotel safely but I can't stopped smiling all the way back to my room, as it was such a great nite and encountered I had. I'm soooo happy.

So another 3 days to go! And I just can't wait to go home to kiss and hugs all my kids. Bapak nye pon sibuk dok asah pedang ler gamak nye! Muahahaha..

So for time being..gudnite uols..dan selamat berpuasa dari Marissa di Taipei! Cewahhh! :D

business trip

I'm writing tis on my flight to Taipei Taiwan uols. So until I manage to get internet connection, this will be in draft.

Departed from KL Sunday 9.30 am flight and should be arriving Taipei around 2pm. The timing is the same as Malaysia time. And I will be staying there for 6 days. Perghh!

It was quite last min arrangement that I need to attend a global workshop in Taipei. Alahai...Taipei pe citer daa..kalau Hong Kong ke China ker..better la. Senang sket nak makan..what's with Taipei derr..susah nak carik halal food weihh..shopping pon cam tak menarik je. Tapi yela..itu sumer pemikiran tipikal la kan..which is so not me! Muahahaha..it's a new place for me so of coz it will be an exiting experience.

Kebetulan ada secretary boss yang baik hati tolong kasik link satu restaurant halal around the city - YunusRestaurant. Hopefully I got the chance to visit. Else makan stok mee segara and can food mana tahan beb! Bulan pose ni pon dah lost 2kg (kurang montoks)..kang balik macam mihun kerring dah rhoper nyerr..ish!

Anyways..in front of me now laid the lunch set - omelette apatah stewardess tu cakap. I'm taking it away in case I got no food for buka puasa later. I'm fasting, insyaAllah. Giler cool sahur in Malaysia and buka puasa in Taipei! Ko ader?? Hahaha..poyos!

My daughter and son were a bit worry about my safety. "Mummy nanti kalau ada orang jahat kat sana macamana? Mummy jangan pakai sexy tau nanti orang mengorat. Mummy no smoking tau!" Camtu la budak2 ni. I totally understand their concern coz they love me so much, especially abang who is so attached to me tapi tak tunjuk sangat sebab boy kann..ego lain..macho kena maintain. I console him not to worry about me. Mummy kan terror..hehe. I told him eventhough I'm thousand miles away from him, I always have Allah to protect me in an alien soil because Allah is everywhere. And what he need to do is to pray for my safety. He nooded..paham le tu kot!

So about him - he's improving though there's more things to change. He's different now, more cooperative and loving. No more weird and extreme sex session request, so far. Traditional method suffice me, though not him coz I still need to bring his mind to a place where he can cum. Slowly la..I need to figure out how. I'm feeling I have more control of my life now. I say things I want to say, not holding up dissatisfaction. The best part was, when he admitted that I'm such as strong person and he loves me for that. And for me getting that kinda compliments, especially from him..macam takde expression..tak tau nak suka ke tak. Skeptical pon ada, afraid if he has his own nasty agenda behind it..ke sebab I just bought a 3K dining table. Haha riak! Dah lama dah budget nak beli cuma baru jumpa yang berkenan. Oh sukee!!

I'll be back to KL on Friday, ETA aound 10 pm..just in time to pack baju raya budak-budak masuk luggage and balik kampung on Saturday morning for Hari Raya.

And for now..kita sambung tido.

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Night updates :

Alhamdulillah I managed to breakfast at the halal restaurant YunusRestaurant and went to the Shilin night market after that. Ramai giler manusia. Nasib baik la ada boss Cina that can be my translator. Words I picked up today - Ni hau, she shie, sui and tui. Hehehe

 

My buka puasa dishes - Chicken with cashew nuts, sayur and seafood tomyam soup. Ada ketam beb dalam tomyam tu. Food was marvelous!

Anyways..need to sleep now. Esok the workshop starts at 9am and I'm not going to be late.

Penat dah! Gudnite!

11th day

Since this Ramadhan month, he is being nice to me, in which he himself admit it - I tak tau apa you bagi I makan..but I feel that I love you so much..asik ingat petpet you je..and I nak main dengan you every nite. Dulu tengok you pon I menyampah..he said.

So I asked him..kasik makan apa nyer? Makan pon beli je.. so I told him. If he meant makan kotor or things to charm him..giler ke hapa?? Syirik tu siotss and tak pernah terlintas pon nak buat kat makhluk donia ni apatah lagi suami sendiri?? Ishh!!

So you sayang I tak? I rasa macam I nak mati je..dada I asik sakit lately.

Terlalu banyak belas ihsan di hati ini, so I told him, sayang la..sikit..I'm trying to love you.

He said..takpela..at least ada la sikit sayang you..dari tak de langsung.

Ahaii..sedih la pulak.

So malam ni nak main tak? He asked. Standard.

Tanak la..bulan pose ni main weekend only..weekdays cuti. You simpan dulu kay.

I tengok you pon nak pancut..cina-cino tu lagi la mengelupur tengok you. So he kissed me on my forehead, my back, caressing my butt and breast..antara cubaan-cubaan berani. Standard.

I'm too tired beb! Karang pukul 4 nak bangun sahur pulak, siap makan sumer. So wa tertido dalam kerabaan iteww..

Tapi kan..rasanya memang la..bulan puasa ni..orang laki..tahan lapar dahaga takde hal sangat..tapi yang agak mencabar tu..tahan nafsu mata..not sure if there's scientific explaination behind it..or maybe sebenarnya nafsu mata tu dah standard..cuma billa bulan puasa tu kena kekang and there's no source to release it..tu yang merapu tak pasal..kira macam  withdrawal syndrom la ni.

Few of the male mates came and mengadu.. in which I keep on reminding them..pose la weihh!!! Sila bawak bersabar sket boley. Tengok awek cina kurus terusik, tengok pompuan pakai top lace terusik..tu tak kira lagi cabaran-cabaran aweks kat pasar ramadhan yang pakai sexy mexy dan boing boing..musim panas kan.. Oh! Begitu lemah juga ye orang laki nih! Hiks!

Like I've always told my son.."Abang, orang lelaki ni ada 2 kekuatan..satu luaran satu lagi dalaman..yang luar tu..semua orang boleh ada..abang nak nampak taf and tangan ketak-ketak.. abang boleh exersize..tapi kuat kat dalam ni..tak semua orang ada..which is the strongest of all strength..it is the essence that makes the heart beat! So..kalau abang tak puasa..maknanya abang belum cukup kuat lagi!..sebab abang belum boleh tahan lapar abang!

*Belum abis potpet..dah cabut lari dah budak ni..biasa la span of concentration tu pendek sangat.

But he was so impressed dengan skill mak dia aritu..which I'm not supposed to demonstrate it infront of him. He was persuading me to buy mercun and bunga api and a day before his dad bought him few. He had his own pocket money and he's spending it on mercun..haihh. So I was accompanying him buying those mercun at bazar ramadan from same bunch of kids seller, about his age probably. He was taking his own sweet time choosing and that kids were also were quite slow in calculating for some other buyers. Some pokcik were making noise coz they were slow. And I just felt that the mercun sold was rather expensive, so I asked that boy to give me some extra because I was here yesterday.

Boss..boleh la kasik extra sikit..and the boy was so excited that I asked him with smile and in my big sunglasses. So he gave my son few extra. My son was so excited that he went back and told his dad and the neighbour about it. How mummy used her wink-wink to get extra mercun. Haihhh!! Bahaya nih!

Anyways, tis year baju raya tak beli lagi. Tak kisah sebenarnya sebab banyak baju kurung  tak pakai sangat, so can be recycled. Last weekend, I've spent almost thousand for my kids clothes. Terkezutt sekejap tapi takpe la memang dah dalam budget. And this month is the month where I take opportunity to do good deeds to parents. Ada duit extra tu..kena share la untuk mendapat keberkatan mereka. I always believe that I still have path to walk through is because of their doa for me. And I know I need to be good mother and pray for the good well being of my kids too, so their life would be better than me.

That's all for now..jangan notty-notty (*self note)