It's been awhile and that I hope things would have changed. But it didn't. But I did discover new thing. I'm not alone facing this morbidness. I read it somewhere and how that woman managed to escape for her better life. I did try many times, but I couldn't. First, he won't let me go as he would persuade and beg, secondly since I'm aware that this is a sickness, I'm just afraid something's bad will happen to the kids if I leave them with him. I'm willing to sacrifice for them. I only hope that the kids would be able to see me as their mother who love them so much, no matter how constant the father humiliated and insulted me. It will crush me if they buy it.
Even my lil daughter who is just 3 yo would say " hey mom, that's your friend right ?" pointing to an Indian stranger. Reason? Oh yeah, because the father would openly tell the kids that the Indian is mommy's friend, indicating that I've slept with Indian. And because Indian skin color are obviously dark, that poor lil kid would imply all Indians are mommy's friend.
Well, that's just part of it. It hurts so much to recall everything.
Here's something I wrote to remind me of this current state of feeling. Because I know, I will forget it later, to forget the bitterness in order to go on with this kind of life.
She is (*in his eyes)
There’s a darkness that I can’t contained
It’s an obsession nobody comprehend
An essence to my contemplation
A salvation to this damnation
I need her because she satisfies
I need her because she listens
Don’t she knows the pain beautifies her
Don’t she knows her blood tasted honey
And I wrap her for not to shiver
I groomed her
For something that is doomed
I prepare her
Till she has nothing to spare
I’m a savior to her filthy soul
Her filthy soul that completes me
Im sorry I know not what to worry
Im sorry for this manipulation was never meant to be
Im sorry to kill her soul slowly
For the lust that’s inside me
My love is great, my love still wait
Even thousands men makes her wet
I’m her savior to her filthy soul
The only filthy soul that completes me
Even my lil daughter who is just 3 yo would say " hey mom, that's your friend right ?" pointing to an Indian stranger. Reason? Oh yeah, because the father would openly tell the kids that the Indian is mommy's friend, indicating that I've slept with Indian. And because Indian skin color are obviously dark, that poor lil kid would imply all Indians are mommy's friend.
Well, that's just part of it. It hurts so much to recall everything.
Here's something I wrote to remind me of this current state of feeling. Because I know, I will forget it later, to forget the bitterness in order to go on with this kind of life.
She is (*in his eyes)
There’s a darkness that I can’t contained
It’s an obsession nobody comprehend
An essence to my contemplation
A salvation to this damnation
I need her because she satisfies
I need her because she listens
Don’t she knows the pain beautifies her
Don’t she knows her blood tasted honey
And I wrap her for not to shiver
I groomed her
For something that is doomed
I prepare her
Till she has nothing to spare
I’m a savior to her filthy soul
Her filthy soul that completes me
Im sorry I know not what to worry
Im sorry for this manipulation was never meant to be
Im sorry to kill her soul slowly
For the lust that’s inside me
My love is great, my love still wait
Even thousands men makes her wet
I’m her savior to her filthy soul
The only filthy soul that completes me
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