Sex is the best medicine too

I reckon I'm quite fortunate that I have a job to at least put me in safe position, financially. If I'm just a housewife, I could imagine the insult would probably expand to be in front of others. I've seen how his dad insulted his mother in public. It was a shock of my life. And his father is very alim okay.

Last Sat, he was lazing around on bed checking my laptop. I was busy with housekeeping and kids. I know that he was checking the usual stuff like all my chats, history and any new cock picture downloaded. Well, last time I used to delete, clear history, chats and all, but after sometimes I did't see what's the point of doing so. I mean he likes it, so I'm just giving what he likes although it feels like you've been stripped off as a person with no entittlement for any privacy whatsoever and that I'm like his porno server fuck.

But after that October, many things have changed. Though I told him not to ask about my past or any person that I've slept with because I don't, it didn't last that long before everything started to resume to his liking again. And I just give up though I do rebel, clearing all my chats, lock my phone, in fact I don't share anything. And that makes him more suspicious telling that I'm selfish for keeping all to myself.

So back to last Sat, I saw he was checking my chat and told him not to check coz there's nothing there. He got angry and nearly threw the laptop and said something but I can't recall but lebih kurang macam potong stim dia la. He got upset and walk out of the house. I didn't stopped him or say anything coz I don't care and I know he will apparently come back, cool down, give me a fuck and things will back to normal as if nothing had happened. But of course before all that, he would totally ignore me, didn't say a word if I asked him anything or even not eating my cooking. Well, it all will change after one dose.  Yeah, that's how things always get settled - one hot long fuckin session. And he would asked me to do things that he likes which I may not. He would put it to me as if I'm guilty to what I did to him and I need to repay that. Whenever I ask him to stop because it was hurting me, he would get irritated.- Kalau dengan I sumer sakit! Kalau dengan orang lain boleh! I'm your goddamn husband ok!

So I'm back to play with my mind. Stimulating it so that my whole body would enjoy and release those pain. And he would love it. He would then started to ask questions about all those men. I am a damn good liar and at that moment I am his master. You so good sayang..I love you sayang..and all those words I only get during those fuckin session. I wish I can fake orgasm so that it would end soon..but I can't. Pernah try..tapi tak jadi. You can fake the screaming sound but you can't fake those liquid cumming out from whatever holes you have. And he'll wait all night for that. Even you have sex drive like a horse..kuda pon penat and stress jugak.

I know I can use that, probably ask for a mini cooper..let him taste his own medicine.but shit that would cost me more than just fuck and head on. The more I think about it, the more I'm becoming like him. When I see man, I know what I should be seeing and doing. I'm beginning to think like him, like a man, like a bitch..shoot! How powerful sex can be eh.. You give them one and tomorrow will be a rainbow. Of coz he don't care how I feel or what he had made me become. For him feelings are not rational nor objective and what I've become is all at my own course, not his. Well I guess it's true.

I think a person has 2 sides in themselves. The one that we see and portray are those that are good and acceptable by the social norms and the one that domineering most part of oneself. But there's the other side of yourself that you will always hide or put it in a sleep mode, because they are meant to be that way and because they are dangerous. The complexity comes when you use the other side of your persona to dominate your life. And worst it is effecting others. 

I'm seeing it in him and I'm seeing it in me now. And that's scaring me, because I no longer afraid to unleashed the other side of persona. 

* Suka la Lighter Bruno Mars Eminem