multitasker

This post was in my draft before the feveret mug post. It won't happened again, I hope.
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CAUTION !! This post memang agak over..but I just need to evidence it somewhere. Sorry if you puke later..I'm used to that already.
 
In this busiest days of the month, where my wits reached peak of it, I received text from him.

Before that..for flava ;

Soundtrack - Oasis Champagne Supernova

Default font - Him

Purple font - Me

Ijau font - SharnaazAhmad as narrator wearing bowtie....only :D

Buffer - few mins / hour interval

Ok..let's enjoy the ride shall we?

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Who fingerfuck u smlm?

Nobody

Hahaa..liar.. Pantis wet with discharge.U out with Farid shake dia kan? He's crazy abt u 

Smlm I bz ada visitor fr Ostolia

So tis week u didnt see any guys?

Tarak

So why byk discharge? Stim kat mamat Aussie.

Stim ramai jantan

Send ur pic u wearing penties and without. Can?

I nak kuar lunch dah

Send now

I'm in car dy..nnt la

*after lunch

Where r u? Someone want to see ur pic

Baru abis meeting

Where's the pic

Wht pic?

I told u..I need ur cipappic with and without pentis

Wht for?

Xchange with arabboy..no need to show ur face

*no reply ( Marissa was having discussion)

Can?

U have many pics of me..just give that lah

Tht's a bit too much..byk toys..can or not? I'm at his place

What for?

He give his dickpic. And if he like ur pic he give me to look for real

*no reply (Marrisa was having meeting and need to run out of meeting to go toilet)

Cepat boleh??

Sent

The one with pentis he like..he want to meet u

*no reply (Marissa sambung meeting)

2nd pic kenapa tak terang?

Toilet lampu gelap

Can u just take from your place. Kangkang je.

*no reply (Marissa checking her kangkang..u crazy Marissa?? People around u?? U can't snap pepetpic there??)

Cepat pls. Arab ni dah syok. Sbb tak nmpk..dia tak kasi tengok dick dia. Cepatla! He said his is 8 or 10 inch.

Ramai orang kat tmpt i

*no reply (Marissa discussing some issues with staff)

R u taking ur pic now? I'm waiting.

*no reply (Marissa replying urgent emails)

Fr ur place will do

*Marissa ran to toilet again to re-capture pic

Sent

Tq. Ok right I want to see his dicky?

K

Ok nice shaven..mcm ada projek je later..who?

*no reply (Marissa attending calls)

Don't try to keep secret from me. Apasal u tak nak share dengan i

Laaa..bulu dah panjang potong la

I'm just asking coz u dont share anything with me now

*Marissa called her daughter to check if everything's ok at home and she told Marissa that daddy's back already

U tipu, u said u were in KL tapi dah sampai umah dah.

No I came out fr KL earlier but I've seen his 8 inchdick and thts why need to send him pic as promised. Or else what for I ask.

K

To u no prob coz u seen many and u want to fuck and easy for u to get. I ask fr u to see your bf dick pon susah! Wht time balik?

Late abit

No wonder u want longbigdick. I see real one bestt haha

*no reply (Marissa bz checking mails)

Do u have anything on mind? To fuck with who? Long/short dick..now i know why u looking around..macam2 ada..

*no reply (Marissa have discussion with boss)

Bz or dont have?

Bz

Let me know when u coming back. I meet u at kedai. I bring your short skirt u change.

Kids? Food?

I buy dinner. U just prep urself for show at kedai. And also set for chat with other race. No malay.

I dah lama x chat

New one

Lama pon x chat baru pon tarak

Takan takde minat to chat. Kan u ramai cina india yg minat kat u. Can u set to chat tonite?

Tengokla

U memang mcm ni kan..saje je nak buat i marah..everything wit me difficult

Let me know when u coming back

ARghhh!!!!Fucklah!

* Marissa! Marissa..I'm still here Marissa

* Marissa u wanna untie tis bowtie Marissa??

Shadap Sharnaaz!! Go back to ur room!!

* the 3 last lines tuh..berangan je..okbai

v e r t i g o

Sorry to have kept you guys waiting. June was crazy month where people also go nuts coz it's a half year end. Since I came back from hols cuti skola hari tu, my schedules been so tight with back to back calls, reports, escalations, semua nak kejar numbers babeh..tapi dalam kegilaan itew..hakak masih lagi maintain rock..kalau nak layan orang Singapore or Thailand ni..we will loose our own identity beb. Tu tak masuk lagi yang hakak ni feveret boss..sumer benda he wants me to do..projects, committee advisor, melayan visitor2 dari Urop and US..wa chill aje..walau pun giler exhausted..coz at the end of the day..I know the only merits is my performance..so I will be commensurate..I hope..

Dalam bulan June yang sebok ni gak la..HR ni pi anto wa pi training 2 hari kat Marina Bay Sands (oh-I-wish)..best gak la sebab can get away from work awhile..makan sodap. Interesting topics, it's a about how we deal with diversity and different cultures..sebab kerja wa memang deal ngan counterparts dari pelbagai negara..gay, lesbo, transvestites..bagai..

Anyways..I memang la kerinduan untuk menulis..hiks..and I do miss you guys too :)

What I wanna hupdate, basically was about my previous post..ala pasal feverat mug tu..thanks for all the kind words..I felt so much loved gitew.

So bertitik tolak dari cuti skolah hari tu, as usual I will play my part as a good wife and mother. We went back to his parents house which is near to beach. The kids love the beach so much and so do I. Main laut dari pagi sampai tengahari..sampai sunburn.. tapi hakak biasala..dok bawah pokok ru..dengan sepek itam and payung..vogue camtu..panas..but I so loveee the beach. It calms me. Well, we were having our happy moments that time..and I tend to forget about everything. But I can't stopped thinking at back of my mind, will this be the last time I'm here with my parents in law? They are such nice persons. 

But anyways, for him my decision to follow him back seems to be his victory. Of course sorry-sory-naik-lorry tu..jangan harap la. So for him, things were back to usual. He will talk to me like nothing had happened, bergurau senda secara manja dan lucah like all hubs&wife do. And for me, I layan je..coz he needs me..but I'm hurt inside.

Came back from hols, where things back to usual stuff - school started, work and all. I carry on life as usual too, because everybody needs me - him, my kids, my parents, my siblings, my friends, my stuff, my colleague, jantan-jantan kegersangan. But deep down I was so depressed. I just need someone to talk to. Enough of someone, who just want to be a listener. I just want someone to listen and just drag me  out of this mess, coz I can't and I don't know how. I just felt that I'm gonna loose my mind if I continue living in this way. Like fuck I know..it's my life..no one will do that for me anyways.

So I called my mom, but I don't have the heart to say a word about it. Since the last time I run away and back to him again, her expectation is that everything from thereon is fine. Single mom will create fitnah and I should start wearing tudung and I should obey to my husband. That's all her points. Totally opposite to her points when she first heard about my confessions. So I halt my plan to talk to her about it. Fine.

So I called my dad, my stepdad actually. He is a wise man. So I told him. I felt so comfortable talking to him. He was shocked and said that was not tolerable and sick as it's an act of a perverted person. I told him I need him to help me to find my way out and I want to do it nicely not to put him to shame in eyes of my parents and his. I tolerated for so many years because my kids were still small and I think by now they are already grown up and able to understand. And I told him that the challenge would be that he will not let me go, and probably will be furious and will use the kids to back him up. Just like last time. So my dad said that he will talk to right person as it should be a discreet discussion as well as the best options on how to manage it. He said there will be no easy out and that I need to do it by myself. *Sigh..lemah la!! 

So up till now, I'm not sure if my dad is working on it or not. No updates from him yet. Ntah la. 

My vertigo is back..and it gets intense sometimes that I felt like vomiting. And I've been having weird dreams lately, maybe due to my unstable state of mine. And I had my sis called me to ask if I'm ok, coz she said she dreamed terrible things about me. Scary!

Ntah la. So far I'm on psychological war with him. I tend to avoid having sex with him. It scares me now. Forget about those dildos, they no longer excites me. Coz I know he only used that to excite him and in the end I suffered like shit!! The last time, once done I vomited thinking about the act he done on me. And I can't bare to think about it anymore. 

For now, I'm on my last button, patience. Hoping that God will lead my heart to act the right thing at right time.

Ntah la..mak dah ponat la dik oiii!!

My Thailand staff gives me this..katanya "Relief of Vertigo" walaupun memang tak vogue to have it stick up into your nasal.. tapi perghhh nyaman sehh!!! Tapi wa tak la sumbat di khalayak orang ramai..giler huduh okeh orang pompuan buat cegitu...

Of late, hakak depressed dengar lagu *Selimut Hati - Dewa..oh I wish I have this kinda man..haha..dream on la Marissa ooiii!!!

my faveret mug

My daughter wanted me to send her to mom's house so she could play with her cousins during this school hols. So I need to cook early in morning for abang and kakak and drive all the way to Shah Alam and rushed to office and the traffic memang la macam haremmm!!! Sabo je la! Masuk lambat je la coti skola nih.

It was his birthday last few days and I bought him dinner at nice place together with the kids. I've never missed to buy him prezzie or card or even nice dinner. And this time, it's only dinner. I was thinking of buying him watch, but then on second thought, I think I had given him too much that it doesn't have much value to him anymore. Just like me I guess.

Well..he text me asking if I bought him any prezzie. I told him I gave him my cunt tonite..muahaha..and he said that's for whoever and replied to ask me if I can give him a chat or dictpick. I told him I've already blanjer makan and he said that's makan..and he want prezzie.. I told him he didn't bought any presents for me either..in fact for few years. My torch blackberry he bought for my last year ended up me paying for it...ni kes i-blanjer-u-bayar. (of coz I didn't mentioned this to him..nanti drop his water face..sendili mau ingat la kan) Hahaha..padan muka...

And he said he did bought me birthday present ti year, just that I didn't remembered it. I asked him what was it because I know there wasn't any, because if he thought that black dildo was one, it definitely not count as he bought it for his benefit and on many normal occasions. So terus senyap la.. but really..I don't mind not getting any presents, spending another year with the kids and him around is more than enough for. 

But deep down, I do long for a bouquet of flowers sent to my office. And I know he wouldn't buy any coz I did told him before but he said it's waste of money. So wa senyap je lah.. terpadam la harapan nak dapat sejambak bunga dari seorang suami. Well, true I guess, it's waste of money. But being a woman, flowers are something that can make differentiation than the rest of other day. You just want to feel special on that day. And he wouldn't understand that anyways.  And never been given flower in my entire life makes me think that it's only my forever wishful thinking. Ahh..pathetic..order bunga anta diri sendiri sudehh!! Haha..giler saiko macam Mr Bean anta kad krismas to himself..LOL!

Ok sambung..

So back to to-fro from Shah Alam to pick up my doter, I kinda feel tired by end of the day. So after showered and had our dinner, I lied down just to regain back my energy. And he was pissed seeing that I'm resting and he was doing laundry and that I left my drink on the table for him to clean up. I told him that I need to rest for awhile and I will finish up my drink and clean up. He was grumbling saying that I should do all the chores first than only rest. Well, I know my body, if penat tu memang la penat..I just need a rest. Paksa-paksa pon tak guna coz if I fell sick..takde orang pon nak jaga. I didn't said that of coz. I just kept quiet letting him said all things he wanna said as if I have no feeling at all. 

So I woke up to finish up my drink but it was no longer on the table. And I saw my mug and jug were in the dustbin. I just don't know what to say. My kids saw the expression on my face, and my daughter said..it's ok mummy..boleh basuh mug tu. Oh! Kesedihan okay. And I just went to bed in sorrow giler.

So this morning, as if I'm ok with my mug being thrown in the dustbin, I asked him if he's going to pay for the hotel he asked me to book. And he did a surprised look and said no. So I told him if he's not going to pay I will be cancelling it.

Kesian budak-budak looking forward for it but I just want him to take ownership too and not depending on me to pay for the hotels every time it's school holidays. Banyak kali dah terkena, suruh book hotel..last-last mak gak kena fork out. And this month I'm paying for my car insurance and roadtax, so I'm on tight budget. So he asked the kids, who want to follow him to go back hometown and who want to stay with mummy. Aikk.. tak pasal-pasal, sebab hotel tak book, hakak kena tinggal. Argghh! Like ohsome okay the way he thinks. 

Really I'm too sedih okay when I think about my mug that he threw into the dustbin. What was he thinking? Maybe he couldn't accept that he was going to wash my mug so he threw it? No matter how he treated me, I still respect and take care of him as a husband. And he threw my faveret flowery mug?? Malas la nak ulas2..nanti cakap ungkit pulak.

I'm just too sad. If I wanna make a scene, I just can tell him that I'm not following him back to his hometown. And I know he will say - pergi mampos lah and u boleh pergi fuck around with your bfs! And when he came back he would interrogate and asked details of those cocks..hahah..Yeah something like that!

And I will have my serenity for few days.. Yayy...but of coz I can't do that. I need to take care of the kids..makan pakai sumer..so that's how it is. Or maybe I just let him take care of the kids. Ehmm..

And I called my mom just now because I have doubt about mandi wajib. Do I need to mandi wajib every time I cumm or only when we have sex? I read it somewhere that only applicable when you have sex. Tapi still musykil. Coz the thing is, I think we haven't have sex for months because I was a dirty person to him and he only like to shove in those equipments to me and that excites him to max. Sex..I need to seek somewhere else but not with him. Duhh!! But really..do I need to mandi wajib every time I cum? So my mom said..we talk about this later! The kids are around. 

Yes mummy!

And esok lusa wa coti..yayyyy!!!

femme fatale fuck

I write this post feeling so pissed off with a body called man. So I may sound either bias or just being true. So read this with a pinch of salt ye.

I don't want to label man because you would say that ..pompuan pon sama gak! But the thing is, most man I get to know are so selfish unfortunately. Some can be obvious piece of shit while others demonstrated it when trapped in situation where shits were squeezed out of them. Sometimes I do wonder what were these people made of? If cruelty definition can be expanded, they can be part of that too. Ouchh kann..

Where women were breed for lust, manipulated and toyed and because of hatred that was nurtured for long time worked into vicious cycle. And what has the world become? Salah sapa?

No doubt ramai perempuan yang evil, but are we contributing more of that kind into that statistics? Of course judgements were made based on actions taken but how many of us able to weigh causes and take most prudence decision especially when all negative feelings accumulated at one point..and we count 1-10 and tell ourselves...lek dulu bro..!!??

When a woman that suppose to have so much love, passion and patience in her to balance the whole universe, no longer can hold the torments that were pressing against her and she turned to become a destroyer because herself has long been destroyed and betrayed. When a woman caused the fall and wreck of a man instead of their success? And when man are suppose to lead and what have they led? Bed? They are too laid back with their responsibilities and instead took it as a privilege to game around. Yang bachelor wants to remain bachelor sebab tak puas main..Yang dah kawen still tak puas main..hari-hari makan nasik..nak jugak rasa kuewtiaw sometimes. Whoaa! Ada macam trailer citer Wondebra Woman tak? Kekeke

Whenever I'm with them, I can't stopped to ask myself. Why do they want to be close to me? What are their motives? Is it their ego, objectives or dickheads or all of them? There's nothing done for no reason. No shit in their head to say that I did it for the love of God or because you're good and that's why I'm doing it for you. That's all total BS okay.

But before answering that, you need to self-aware of what mojo you got beb! I know I got beauty, good bods (stok boleh lambung2 katanye..), some extend of authority and influence and purchasing power. Whether it is a fact or not, it doesn't matter to people who perceived me those ways. So basically when I asked that questions to myself, I also need to understand what are their perceptions towards me.

So, if mamat ni kasik ayat power - your eyes must have melt so many guys kinda crap..this guy basically motipnye nak main je.. there's no such thing that your eyes can melt people okeh..unless you're superman la. Cuma for man, they like to ayat-ayat dulu..see how woman react malu-malu, perasan sekejap, play with their feelings bagai..let them head over heals on you..for them it's a thrill. Rather than be as direct as bila-nak-main-ni-i-tengok-profile-pic-pon-dah-pancut. No doubt memang ada, yang ni dah sah la jumpa main terus je. Set-set ni memang la bersepah. If you dah confident..nak test boleh je..layan je mamat2 yang dok ayat nih..and once you get bored with them just drop the bomb - I'm not interested in you..batang gatal la lu! Then blah!

I'm not going to elaborate about ego and objectives. You all must be yawning while scratching balls..thinking watehel crap is she talking about!

Tapi kan... sambung jap! All you got to do is to understand things that important to them. And where does you fit in those items? Are you there being an agent for him to ride on to their benefits? Or are they willing to lower their ego and put you before their objectives?

Asking that questions can make you stay safe and alert of their motives and not get caught in their play. Women are so emotionally driven and any sweet talks were taken as good where instead it's just a game. Technically when you know what's their motive and put aside your feelings, you can basically see where they are coming from and how the games is gonna end. If you can't figure their motives try to put these 3 at stakes. You will see they jump the wagon and you'll know they are not that sincere or sweet or gentleman after all..just full of filthy ego, selfish human casing, doing just anything to get a lick on their dickhead.

And I will always ask similar questions as check balance. What is it there for me? For my ego? I don't have one. To move to greater career heights? I love my work, I'm good at it and I don't need to suckdick for that. For dickheads? Can't deny I love dickheads and all they want is to have the taste of my tongue on their dickheads tapi setakat standard soggy piping, it doesn't worth the effort. So basically to enjoy the begging and to prove that I'm just correct on these man. That they are such assholes piece of shit!

All I can see are their ego, dickhead and objectives which is above all. Sometimes its seems like almost impossible to find a man that sincere.

And when they got what they want or when they found out that you're not to their benefit, or that they think they are holier than thou...sumer apekelancau pon kuar.. they talk to you as if you're some dumbass mengangkang kat tepi jalan.. no longer sounded like a gentleman with speaking London.

Go fuck urself sudah..

So this is what and how a woman can transformed into. A simple life can be as complex as and when it needs to be.

No longer was she merely the dancing-girl who extorts a cry of lust and concupiscence from an old man by the lascivious contortions of her body; who breaks the will, masters the mind of a King by the spectacle of her quivering bosoms, heaving belly and tossing thighs; she was now revealed in a sense as the symbolic incarnation of world-old Vice, the goddess of immortal Hysteria, the Curse of Beauty supreme above all other beauties by the cataleptic spasm that stirs her flesh and steels her muscles, – a monstrous Beast of the Apocalypse, indifferent, irresponsible, insensible, poisoning.- Huysmans À rebours Toni Bentley (2002) Sisters of Salome

Anyways like I said, this was written down when I was super pissed. Now dah cool dah..! Having said all that, I know there's always good human out there with sincere heart (see how I craft my words : D) and know their purpose of existence. There are still many happily married couples and family that can be an exemplary to society and so there's hope to better worrld gitew..

Panjang plak hakak bebel kat post neh!

*Kita layan lagu peberet wa untuk coolkan kemarahan..Superman from Five For Fighting.. ok bai

i so need tis Friday

Oh I'm so glad it is Friday! Really run out of energy. Meetings were back to back, lunch pon kadang terlupa nak makan..tau tau perut sakit baru teringat nak makan. Gila tak gila, I like it la plak the challenge. Carik makan beb! You gotta like what you're doing, baru la performance tip top and creative ideas masyukk. Anyways..this whole week and in fact since last week, my parents in law are at home. So it's kinda lighten me a bit as I no need to worry about food and picking up my daughter from babysitter. They are both very kind people and I got to eat good home cook meals too. 

And my hubs, biasala if his parents are here, dia akan terlebih rajin. Whenever he washed dishes or scrub the pots after her mom cooked, he will start to complain saying that I'm taking advantage on his parents presence. Aduiii..nobody asked him to wash pon, because I will do all the clean ups when everyone else have finished their meals. No big deal pon. But the things is, whenever his parents around, he wants to give the best treatment to his parents and show them that he's the one who's doing most of the house chores. Well, it's not wrong really, as I treat them as my parents too, but he didn't think that way. Maybe in a way, it's true coz last few days I came back quite late sebab banyak kerja. And on days that I came back late, he will ask me to buy groceries or pick up laundry ke..basically sebagai balasan sebab balik lambat. And he will keep on texting..beli ikan then minyak then cili..where are you..it's already 30 mins..why are you not back yet ? Where are you? Pegi lepak coffee dengan jantan mana?? Where are you?? Kenapa senyap tak balas ??

Dengan nak memilih ikan sayur lagi, dengan nak tolak troli lagi..nak kena reply sms lagi. Aduss stress siotss!! And when I did went home early, he will ask me to follow him to buy things after dinner. Last nite, I asked him if he can go alone since he came back early and I told him that I was so tired, really I was so exhausted yesterday. So he was angry and said that I can always make my time for my friends and any jantan and not for him. So I said okaylah. So after dinner he asked me to change. He tossed my g string on the floor and asked me to wear it with skirt. I was like..kamon la..nak pi amik laundry and beli sabun basuh pinggan je..pakai jeans sudeh...pastu kena bising la..u macam tu la..kalau dengan I semua taknak..kalau dengan jantan lain..semua buat!! 

So I so malas okeh..penat nak mampos nak argue...so ikut je la..kena jaja kat semua orang satu supermarket tu kenyang tengok wa pakai-skirt-nampak-g-string-terkepit-kat-alur-bontot-tu. So sapa yang stim murid-murid? Suami Marissa dan semua lelaki dalam supermarket itu cikgu!! Okeh pandai murid-murid semua!!

Motifnya apa murid-murid? I think if you follow the sequence you should know by now where all these were leading to. He just need these events to stimulate his mindfuck. That's all.

So back at home, I can't wait to jump onto my bed to sleep. It's almost 11pm and I was so tired and my feet were aching. But he's not done with me yet. He started to stroke the necessary spots to stimulate me and started asking questions. Any guy managed to fingerfuck you today? Anyone had crushed on you today? Takan takde anyone who talk dirty to you? Kena rababontot tak?

Biasanya, wa memang pakai prinsip 'kat belakang unta pon kalu nak kena kasik'.. tapi semalam I was super exhausted and I think I fall asleep while my nipples were half harden. I guess I was cursed.. kerana tidur membelakangkan suami dan membiarkan suami-kegersangan semalam. Tak sengaja..tapi nak wat camner beb wa memang tak larat sangat! He was so pissed I guess, sulking about it this morning. Maybe he's not used to rejection,  and I'm teaching my self to ok to say no and teaching him as well that I do feel tired sometimes. Yeah, I now learn to say to him 'can you gimme a min for me to just sit and lie down awhile' whenever he asked me to start doing this and that the moment I reached home. 

Well, it's like that! I need to go off early today. He kept on texting me asking if I have bought new knicker and skirt to go out tonite. And I just malas ok. But if I tell him that, I know what he will say. So layanzzz je la beb!

Sometimes, regardless how hectic your day can be, with many people that you get connected with, you always feel so lonely inside. And last nite, I felt so calm to actually have my loneliness be heard to my own ears. I was downstairs in the kitchen alone, buat susu and suddenly this song pop up in my head. Trying to recall it's lyrics and I sang macam ni...

Aku masih seperti yang dulu

Menunggu mu sampai akhir hidup ku

Kesetiaan ku tak luntur

Hati pun rela berkorban

Demi keutuhan kau dan aku

Biarkan lah aku memiliki

Semua cinta yang ada di hatimu

Apa pun kan ku berikan

Cinta dan kerinduan

Untukmu dambaan hati ku

Malam ini tak ingin aku sendiri

Ku cari damai bersama bayangan mu

Hangat pelukan yang masih ku rasa

Kau kasih kau sayang

This song is my mom's fav song in which she will request me to sing karok kat orang kawen daaa..and I do have a good voice I tell ya! Muahaha la okeh. Tapi wa really don't know ini lagu title apaaa..tapi tau lagu Indonesia la..gilo jiweng karat sehh!! Oh pleasee!!

Ok..have a nice weekend! Daaa ;)