Yeah I know it has been awhile. Thanks for asking. Sweetness.
Dec is the busiest month, sebab year end kan..ramai orang jadik paranoid, sarcastic dan giler dalam mengejar revenue. If only many local companies have the same working culture, drive, responsibility memang la business berkembang maju. Tapi most of local companies, agak lavish. They spent more on unnecessary things dari sebesar expense to smallest i.e renovation bilik meeting dah juta-juta, beli kereta mewah, golf club la sampai la ke barang pantry macam melo, kopi, gula susu yang almost 20% akan disapu oleh staff or makcik tealady or cleaner. Kenapa tak spend more on staff skill development and R&D? Ni sumer ada long term ROI for stability and sustainability.
Anywaysss..
Few days after the last post, health has not been really good for me but I'm fully recovered now, alhamdulillah. Macam-macam sakit dapat. Ada yang maybe airborne and some penyakit yang carik sendiri.
First, I got sick due to infections in my urine or scientifically Urinary Tract Infection (UTI) or bahasa melayunye kencing kotor. Catalystnye adalah sejenis bacteria E-Coli. Rasanya dia selalu lepak di area-area seperti toilet or in contaminated food or drinks or tools? It's a common bacteria yang baru wa tahu amat powers okay.
Anyway, sebagai seorang yg amat menjaga kebersihan alat-alat sulit ni, E-Coli memberi tamparan hebat kepada ego wanita saya. Root cause nye..penyakit carik sendiri sebab malam sebelum tu ada aktiviti sex lasak yang melibatkan pelbagai equipment and it was beyond my control to do some QC checks prior to any insertions or penetrations. Haihh..bak kata orang tua2..kuah lauk tu pakai sudu lain-lain..jangan campur..nanti basi..tapi yela..kadang dah lapar sangat..gelojoh..belasah je.. tu la jadinya..
So the next morning, I almost faint, sebab the bacteria was moving too fast in my body. Kencing memang kaw-kaw takleh tahan..nasib baik ada sanitary pad..and by evening..my urine already contain blood siots..Sakit nye ya memang la sangat sakit..sampai ketar-ketar la nak membuang air kecik tu. I can't imagine if UTI kena kat lelaki..nak pakai pad pon tak seswai..maybe kena pakai pampers or balut pad tu kat kepala tutt kot. Anyways, before 4pm I went back and drove straight to see the doc. So dia check air kencing, memang la kotor. Kasik ubat cam air garam ke hapa and few pills. By that time, memang dah demam dah. So balik tido. It took almost 3 days to recover. Dalam masa 3 hari tu, request-request untuk bersenggama tu, memang la di reject. I told him kena sex ban for 1 year sebab dia tak exercise hygine in sex activities, sebab tu I dapat UTI. But then, seperti biasa la, wa kena tuduh sebab wa pi main merata dengan jantans mana. Righttt!!! Malas la nak defend, so wa cuti sex la for few weeks. Best! Sebenarnya memang malas nak layan, bukan apa kadang bila dia high tu..dia buat wa macam wa ni rabbit iklan energizer tu..selagi batteri tak abis..selagi tu la..dia dok ketuk drum tu. Please sayang.. you so good sayang..pujuk rayu seorang yang kuat nafsunya kepada seekor rabbit yang bermain drum tanpa hentinya. Trauma beb! Thinking that you have to go through such a long and weird sex session just to satisfy him. Oh tolong!
Then after a week just when I was about to regain energy and kick some asses, I was hit by strong vertigo. I remember that night, I came back home a bit late. Just right after I stepped into the house, he said something that triggered the strong pain in my head and it started to spin. I can't remember which one was that - either the part he was angry coz he booked spa room for a man masseur to massage me and I came back late, so cancel (actually memang saje) or the part he was teasing me as my petticoat’s lace was torn (tak perasan) and I that I got no money to buy and was humiliating me infront of my kids, so not sure which one was the cause. So I quickly hit the shower and lied down and tried to sleep. But even when I closed my eyes, I can feel things like spinning and it caused me nause and nak muntah. Dah la balik lapar..tapi tak larat nak makan. I tried to sleep feeling hungry, frustrated and really down.
So the next day, I couldn't walk and woke up coz the vertigo was getting worst. I had my daughter and him to carry me to see doctor. So doctor gave some meds to stop the nausea feel, some other ubat-ubatan. Baru la ada selera nak makan, else makan je nak muntah and some energy. So I basically rest, tido and lied down tengok tv je. I got my lovely daughter took care of me, alhamdulliah.
Then after few days, dah sihat la sket and since he was craving for my petpet for few weeks dy, kita lunaskanlah those overdues. Sebab dah overdue, banyak la requestnya. Ni lagi satu nak highlight, activiti oral sebenarnya tak berapa nak hygiene jugak ye. It can exposed you to lots of oral disease too seperti sakit tekak dan batuk (to exhume the phlegm) . For example, if the IT is not in clean condition, or if you suck and dip and suck again, pon kena jugak. Or if you got semen stuck in your throat, it could give you sore throat jugak. So sapa yang kena? Mak jugakk... yang kena sakit nye dik oiii! Lelaki tak kena nye sakit tekak dan batuk berpanjangan, unless you go and suck some other dick (gay yo!) or you can suck your own dick (either IT is that looong..it still gay practice yo!). So I got batuk-batuk kaler kuning immediately the next morning and was down with fever for 2- 3 days. Doctor tak kasik antibiotic coz it's still new, so deman recover nye cepat tapi batuknya..panjang bawak ke 3 minggu nak hilang. Penat dok batuk-batuk. Nak meeting pon payah la..caner nak maintain muka hayu tiber batuk kong kong.
Tula, citernya. Sakit-sakit pon, tugas-tugas penting sebagai ibu-isteri-boss tetap kita teruskan. Itulah perjuangan hidup namanya. (*hugs myself). Many depend on me and likewise too, to move on with our lifes.
He asked me yesterday, why I never kiss him before went to bed. You never did love me right? You're arrogant! I love you so much you know.
I still can't answer him. I asked my heart..did I not love him? Did the reason he asked was because he's not feeling love out of me? Maybe. I do love him, whatever that mean. But I just feel something is missing, seolah-olah cinta itu hilang rohnya.(cewah). It seems like the essence of it was just not there. You know, when you love someone you can just smile thinking of that person. I wish I can. Maybe I just need time. No doubt he has done lot to me despite all stuff I wrote in this blog. I continue this life thinking of good things he have done, for real. I can't live long and with sanity, if I would be living thinking of bad things that he did. For that, it's between me and him and I will always forgive him and hope that Allah forgives me for that.
He's my husband to whom I suppose to think of above anything. And how can I do that when he keep on reminding me to be with other men? He admitted that he's weird and will get mad if I pretend not to understand his needs. But how can you not sympathize when your husband beg you? It's hard really.
And in the end, when all weirdness normalizes, what becomes you?
Happy New Year sumer. Semoga tahun yang lebih baik for all of us. Bye and be good.
* tis one can surely make me smile and perasan sekejap
