When I ran away from home, which was probably after my 3rd attempt that I've succeeded, I stayed at mom's place. I slept in my brother's room who wasn't married back then, and he slept in the lounge area. It's kinda miserable because I have my stuff in the black garbage plastic bags and some were left in my car boots that I used to commute to work. I didn't want to clutter his room and I feel that I didn't want to settle down at mom's place either. It should be temporary while I figure out what I need to do next. My mind was so messed up with the out of court settlement and negotiations and his harassments through texts and stalking me at work place. It was scary actually. I remember how hard it's for me to keep my head straight and firm not to fall to his tricks and talks again and at same time conceal all those fears and sadness from mom when I'm back at her place. I don't want her to feel worried about me. This is my shit and I will clean it off.
I was having trouble to focus on my work at same time remain professional filtering my emotions out so that my staff didn't know what's happening to my personal life. People talks and I don't need any kind of judgment to add on. So I told my boss, who no longer my boss but we remain friends now, that I was going through a divorce process, stayed at my mom's place and may need time off to settle personal matters during office hours. He looked shocked but emotionless, probably because he's young and not married and don't know how he should react to this kind of news. And the first sentence that spurred out from him "do you need an agent to find you place to rent?". And it's time for me then to get shocked with his response, didn't see that coming. Well, I almost laughed but yes it's a pragmatic and optimistic response I guess. I told him, yes that would help a lot. I think if he didn't ask me that question, I may not get the cue of what I should do next. I called the agent and specified my requirement which were quite simple - studio, end unit so I can get more windows and light in, near my work area which is near to my kids and have security access. On the day that I supposed to meet the agent to view the unit, I felt I need someone that can help to give me second opinion. I usually trust my decision to be right but for this kind of decision I just need someone to point out if it's the otherwise. So I asked one of my staff who is a Thai nationality to come along with me. I know she can be trusted to keep it just between us. Well, she left the company but she still keep in touch with me and become friends too. Funny, come to think of it how people that hardly know me can give impact to my life journey. They give you hope to continue during your tough times.
So after 3 months staying at mom's place, I moved in to a 400 sqf fully furnished studio apartment. I can basically touch my kitchen bed and toilet in just one spin. And if I fry ikan masin, my bedsheet would have same smell too. I was so excited to have a place of my own. My own small space where I can decorate the way I like it, be alone, have my own peace and quiet time but the most important thing was the control I have to design my life the way I want it to be.
There were 2 things that gave me joy at that time. One is IKEA and the other is Yoga. Walking through IKEA after work hours was a bliss. I find my peace just by browsing at its catalogues or showroom and its smell. Boy! I love IKEA's smell. IKEA gives me hope, an interpretation of independence and a second chance to start a new life. I take my time to plan and figure furniture that I needed and being a minimalist, the Scandinavian concept seems to fit my style. I don't buy unnecessary things, but that's the beauty - being simple. Ironically, at the café it also teaches you how the majority are ignorant and selfish lot who don't know how to follow simple instruction to put their dish plates at the food tray area. Lagi mau cerita complicated moral issues. Pigidah!
I started Yoga the same month I moved in. I figure I need to divert my mind with some activities after work, otherwise I would just sunk myself at home and cried missing my kids horribly. I did take up ballet classes for a month but I can't seem to find the meaning and connection to it. Then one day, I saw one of my staff changed her office attire and carried a mat and asked her where she's going and the rest was history. I didn't know what yoga is, never did any research about it but I just went with open mind and tried it out and wallah!!.. I find my soul there. It's not only physical but the inner strength in mind and self awareness that I discovered through yoga. It helps to keep me calm and focus. I'm still practicing yoga till today and it's a treasure that I found through this journey. But now since I'm working from home, I'm thinking to join classes near my place that looks cool. My dream is that one day I could do yoga in Ubud, Bali. Yeeehaaa.. but for that I need to prep myself.. kadang bontot malas and Neflix binge is the culprit. Alasan si pemalas!
