i so need tis Friday

Oh I'm so glad it is Friday! Really run out of energy. Meetings were back to back, lunch pon kadang terlupa nak makan..tau tau perut sakit baru teringat nak makan. Gila tak gila, I like it la plak the challenge. Carik makan beb! You gotta like what you're doing, baru la performance tip top and creative ideas masyukk. Anyways..this whole week and in fact since last week, my parents in law are at home. So it's kinda lighten me a bit as I no need to worry about food and picking up my daughter from babysitter. They are both very kind people and I got to eat good home cook meals too. 

And my hubs, biasala if his parents are here, dia akan terlebih rajin. Whenever he washed dishes or scrub the pots after her mom cooked, he will start to complain saying that I'm taking advantage on his parents presence. Aduiii..nobody asked him to wash pon, because I will do all the clean ups when everyone else have finished their meals. No big deal pon. But the things is, whenever his parents around, he wants to give the best treatment to his parents and show them that he's the one who's doing most of the house chores. Well, it's not wrong really, as I treat them as my parents too, but he didn't think that way. Maybe in a way, it's true coz last few days I came back quite late sebab banyak kerja. And on days that I came back late, he will ask me to buy groceries or pick up laundry ke..basically sebagai balasan sebab balik lambat. And he will keep on texting..beli ikan then minyak then cili..where are you..it's already 30 mins..why are you not back yet ? Where are you? Pegi lepak coffee dengan jantan mana?? Where are you?? Kenapa senyap tak balas ??

Dengan nak memilih ikan sayur lagi, dengan nak tolak troli lagi..nak kena reply sms lagi. Aduss stress siotss!! And when I did went home early, he will ask me to follow him to buy things after dinner. Last nite, I asked him if he can go alone since he came back early and I told him that I was so tired, really I was so exhausted yesterday. So he was angry and said that I can always make my time for my friends and any jantan and not for him. So I said okaylah. So after dinner he asked me to change. He tossed my g string on the floor and asked me to wear it with skirt. I was like..kamon la..nak pi amik laundry and beli sabun basuh pinggan je..pakai jeans sudeh...pastu kena bising la..u macam tu la..kalau dengan I semua taknak..kalau dengan jantan lain..semua buat!! 

So I so malas okeh..penat nak mampos nak argue...so ikut je la..kena jaja kat semua orang satu supermarket tu kenyang tengok wa pakai-skirt-nampak-g-string-terkepit-kat-alur-bontot-tu. So sapa yang stim murid-murid? Suami Marissa dan semua lelaki dalam supermarket itu cikgu!! Okeh pandai murid-murid semua!!

Motifnya apa murid-murid? I think if you follow the sequence you should know by now where all these were leading to. He just need these events to stimulate his mindfuck. That's all.

So back at home, I can't wait to jump onto my bed to sleep. It's almost 11pm and I was so tired and my feet were aching. But he's not done with me yet. He started to stroke the necessary spots to stimulate me and started asking questions. Any guy managed to fingerfuck you today? Anyone had crushed on you today? Takan takde anyone who talk dirty to you? Kena rababontot tak?

Biasanya, wa memang pakai prinsip 'kat belakang unta pon kalu nak kena kasik'.. tapi semalam I was super exhausted and I think I fall asleep while my nipples were half harden. I guess I was cursed.. kerana tidur membelakangkan suami dan membiarkan suami-kegersangan semalam. Tak sengaja..tapi nak wat camner beb wa memang tak larat sangat! He was so pissed I guess, sulking about it this morning. Maybe he's not used to rejection,  and I'm teaching my self to ok to say no and teaching him as well that I do feel tired sometimes. Yeah, I now learn to say to him 'can you gimme a min for me to just sit and lie down awhile' whenever he asked me to start doing this and that the moment I reached home. 

Well, it's like that! I need to go off early today. He kept on texting me asking if I have bought new knicker and skirt to go out tonite. And I just malas ok. But if I tell him that, I know what he will say. So layanzzz je la beb!

Sometimes, regardless how hectic your day can be, with many people that you get connected with, you always feel so lonely inside. And last nite, I felt so calm to actually have my loneliness be heard to my own ears. I was downstairs in the kitchen alone, buat susu and suddenly this song pop up in my head. Trying to recall it's lyrics and I sang macam ni...

Aku masih seperti yang dulu

Menunggu mu sampai akhir hidup ku

Kesetiaan ku tak luntur

Hati pun rela berkorban

Demi keutuhan kau dan aku

Biarkan lah aku memiliki

Semua cinta yang ada di hatimu

Apa pun kan ku berikan

Cinta dan kerinduan

Untukmu dambaan hati ku

Malam ini tak ingin aku sendiri

Ku cari damai bersama bayangan mu

Hangat pelukan yang masih ku rasa

Kau kasih kau sayang

This song is my mom's fav song in which she will request me to sing karok kat orang kawen daaa..and I do have a good voice I tell ya! Muahaha la okeh. Tapi wa really don't know ini lagu title apaaa..tapi tau lagu Indonesia la..

Ok..have a nice weekend! Daaa ;)

linger

In sleepless night like this, it's the only period I can have time on my own. Sounds like almost sanctuary to me! Hah! Kesian..Anyways I'm taking a day off tomorrow, so I reckon it's ok to stay up a bit late doing my own things i.e watch my fav tv series while drinking coffee, surfing net since I no longer have time to browse during office hour, eat chocolates (caramel choc is my top list now). Baju skola untuk stok 3 hari sumer dah gosok, baju dah lipat, rumah dah kemas, keta dah basuh, mop2 kita akan outsource bibik datang next week to clean the house. Anak-anak dah potong kuku, potong rambut, beli hadiah hari guru, jalan-jalan and for him pon dah servis baekk punya..stok weekend siap ada promotion lagi - 2 intercourse get 1 bj giteww..hah! 

Di malam yang hening ini, aku tertanya-tanya di manakah silapnya perjalanan hidup ini. Oh! Adakah benar ianya suatu kesilapan atau adakah ianya suatu ketentuan? Dan apakah jika ianya suatu ketentuan dalam satu perjalanan hidup, adakah aku berhak untuk menzahirkannya sebagai suatu kesilapan? Paham?? Hehe

Even though I can't have my bags or drawer organized for more than 2 days, I'm someone who are good in organizing and planning things and making it happened. In my entire life, I've seen and witnessed things that I planned or said came true. When I was in college out of fun (I can't recall the exact reason), I've charted path of my own life on piece of white paper and paste it on the wall. The route started from college time till I'm old. It was funny at that time, me and my friends laugh guling-guling about it. 

I can't recall all but one item that I remember most was that I wrote down that I'm gonna get married to man that is 10 years older than me. And that exactly what I got now. That time I always felt that men my age were selfish, immature, lack of wisdom and vain nak mampos! There's nothing much I can learn from them or woe them for, except for their ability to play their acoustic guitar singing numbers from PJ or Nirvana or Greenday or Sejatii...itu yang kau ucapkan..greng greng anddd... for their hard coded joystick loaded with testosterone waiting to get erupted. Well, that was my perceptions based on my frame of experience at that time and it may not be all true, I guess. Maybe like 98% true? Haha. 

I can't really define what man have up in their dickhead. Maybe I came from all girls school and I was brought up by my mom. So I was looking for a father figure who perhaps can lead and understand me. Like fuck I tell you I was so stewpid!!

Anyways, among some of other things that I dream of in details was my career. Maybe the need at that time was to help my mom who's struggling on her own to bring up her kids so getting married wasn't part of my main to do list. I was ambitious and I detailed out and dream of how I was going to make it big in the corporate world. And so it happened. I bought my car and house for my mom and I went to work by bus and staying at my rich untie house to get free accommodation and food. Those that got in my way, I cursed them to no longer exist. And so it did happened too. Well technically, the company was absorbed into a bigger company and so the name vanished from the stock exchange.

I planned and dreamed about things I wanted in life except my marriage. I only drafted that I'm gonna married to a man that is 10 years older than me just because I want a man than is cleverer than me and more dominant. I never did think of love, or how my wedding should be, what kind of life we should have as husband and wife, as parents or marriage agreements. I did not! More than 10 years older than me was a preset criteria that I assumed came with love package and all, though at that time I was going out with some seniors that's only a year or 2 older than me. 

And what I said and had in mind work through it. And when I came to think of it, I felt so stewwpid okeh. How could I missed that. Marriage is one of the vital event in ones life as it is a subset of a new beginnings. Orang nak kawin plan kaw-kaw punya..and I even forgot to buy shoes for my wedding day. Maybe my parent was so busy to explain to me about men and how cunning they can be and I was being so naive to believe that men were breathing teddy bears, and got lost in many castles that never were. But I don't blame them coz the best lesson in life is to learn it through pain. 

And that's why I'm gonna equip my kids with that knowledge, because the challenge now days are so much different - ayat-ayat sangatlah acidic and tricks pon sudah hupgrade; to my dotter to remember that cunningness can lead to cunnalingus and to my son - no matter how objective he can be, never to put aside humility and respect to woman. I hope I can guide and be a good mother. 

Anywayss...I guess it's not too late to dream of a happy ending life since I have such powerful powderful mind..dok gitu ??

And yes..what should I dream off now? A husband that bow to my needs and knee?? I mean I can but giler ke?? Kena laknat pantat neraka weihhh!!!

Seriously, I don't know what I should be dreaming. I can't say to have a husband to love me the way I am because I have changed. I was far more better last time than I am now. I mean last time I was stupid and naive..now I'm even more stupid. I know I'm a good fucker, even the guys can sense that I am a hard coded fucker..but it didn't mean anything if there's no feeling attached to it. Sounds cliche but it's true. I can have good fucks for all I care..but to have them regard you as a rubber duck or sweet potato holes left you emptied and lost in middle of the nights. Every fuck should bond, it should have class of its own, else it's just like peeing or shitting.

I guess everyone want to have someone worth to grow old together. And I guess I should be dreaming of 'you'? 

Bye for now..

 **Listening to Cranberries Linger