Wishing for better horizon

I have this urge feeling in need to make something extraordinaire for good closure. Something to proof to myself that I'm not really a burden or something that my kids or him to be proud of. Entah la, I used to be so ambitious about making good things for the society but then lepas kawin, it's all about the family. Family is the priority. Tapi kadang sedih la jugak, though you know you tried your best to take care of them, gave them all that they need, they still feel it wasn't enough. You feel frustrated and sad, because you still need their love in return to rejuvenate all the strength and effort that you've put through. Tapi yela, it all will just pass by. Like many mothers and wife, they are full of love, sadness and frustrations are just like drops of water into the sea. There's so much love inside and they continue to poor it la kan.

Versus if you making deeds to charity org or some strangers, the satisfactions is all yours. There's no one is putting expectation on you except yourself. I did some charity work before with unfortunate kids and homeless (golongan bergelendangan - weird words tho). You felt satisfied that you have helped them in anyway you can. To see some smiles and hope in their eyes. It gives you perspectives of lifes that you'd never thought off. And I would came back home to share my experience with my kids on how lucky they are and the need to help whoever that in need. That we need not to be millionaire to do that. Our contributions can be in terms of taxes, zakat, emotional and physical support. There's 2 things I want them to do before and after they are on their own - first is to travel out of country and 2nd to volunteer for charity work.

I still feel that I need to do more than that. Bila ada email on charity work, meloncat2 hati ni hah nak pi. Tapi tu lah, hal kat rumah pon nak kena juggle sebab wa made up the statistic parents yang maidless. So need to put things in place dulu, then can think of other people, and so he said, which is true in some way.

Menjelang ujung tahun ni la, I'm starting to review when I actually can make it to 5 figure. I know I can make in in another 2 years or maybe 1 1/2 years. It comes along with pressure and expectation. Am I ready? Mendengar dan melihat rakan-rakan kerja yang blah after being offered 5 figure salary ni memang la teruja. Market macam tu la agaknya. Best friends pon ramai dah set-set 5 figure and some tak main dah MYR nih, memangla rasa tempted gilo nak mengejar duit. Sapa tanak gila la. And at same time you start to question, what makes you slow in climbing the ladder and whether that justify to some incapabalities in you? Tula, wasting time dok melayan nafsu jantans, otak jadi tak focus la. Gamaknya ler. Not that I regret, it's just something that I need to go through I guess. You don't really have manual in store to guide you through those morbidness anyway.

I guess, when I have more money which comes which higher job profile, I can have more time to do charity work, I hope. Jadi boss besar ni sebenarnya kerja less hectic than boss kecik. Pressure je kena manage. Ala..stress-stress wa DIY dapat multiple-O sette ahh.. Idea pon datang melimpah ruah. Muahahha

Boss besar ni keje dia kena good in strategizing and need to have experts that are good in giving advises. Network kena powers to get things done.  Then ensure execution jalan. Sapa tak buat kerja, off with his head gitew! Hahahaha! Bitch giler!

OK la sempena menyambut Awal Muharram dan hujung tahun yang semakin dekat ni, Marissa ingin salam-salam la, dan ucapkan selamat untuk semua dan semoga kita menjadi hamba-Nya yang diberi petunjuk yang benar dalam setiap kebenaran dan juga dalam setiap kebatilan, panjang umur dan diberkati hidup hendaknya.

Selamat bercuti semua. Wa cuti dah abis, so cuti skola cover weekend dan area dekat-dekat je. Tapi budak2 ni janji ada swimming pool or pantai suka sangat dah! Ok la daaa...

Giving out foods to homeless near Puduraya. Another life and light of KL 

heart for thoughts

Alhamdulillah my dad's heart operations went well. Nama panjang operation tu ialah Coronory Artery Bypass Graft (CABG). They took veins from his leg and replaced it with 3 stems that were blocked in his heart (lebih kurang camtu la).

So I took 1 week leave and flew over to my hometown in Edinburgh Scotland (tipu). He went with me for 3 days and I'm glad coz he's around. My siblings were all there too.

My dad came to concious a day after, but he was a bit groggy and moody but overall he's ok. It was a taxing week - woke up at 6am and came back from hospital late night by 12 or 1am everyday. Kaki dah melecet asik tawaf hospital, jalan sana sini settling things and badan pon makin penat. There's one night, while me and my siblings were walking back to our car, my bro said he saw 'something' at the hospital. Jeng jeng jeng...

I asked him ' awak nampak Ju-On ke? Dia cakap haah.

I asked him again ' Dekat corrider tu ke? Dia cakap Haah

Dia buat apa? Wa tanye.

My bro said ' dia tengah duduk mencangkung kat ujung corridor tu, muka macam blur, pakai baju uniform hospital'

So we all like Okayyyy...I told him that I had goosebumps when passing that corridor. Tapi sebab takde tempat lain dah nak lalu bila malam..so terpaksa la lalu..so dah immune.

After 3 days, him, all my bro and sis dah balik. Tinggal la wa bersama ibu tiri wa menjaga ayah. And because I'm the last to stay keje wa memang asik to and fro to airport jela, to fetch and send them, since sumer timing tak sama. Haihh.. Masa derang takde la kipas aircond kereta jem and so kereta pon overheat la plak. Terpaksa la wa berenti tepi jalan, pi beli air mineral 5.5litre isi dalam karburator..ke radiotor? Ntah... So tu wa tunggu la nanti my bro balik untuk repair.

Seminggu tak kerja memang la best, dapat melepak dengan my siblings yang ramai tu and most of all with me dad. Everytime he wanted to cough, he need to press the small pillow onto his chest. He also need to exercise his lung using spirometer. His chest was binded with vest, so he feel a bit comfortable. The doctors were all nice people and we had interesting conversation about life. And sebab doc tu foreigner we ended up speaking Landen la..Mmmmm..The joy we get is to see patients recover and go back home happily - kata doktor itu. Yayaya. And Its logic and common sense that when you see you dad need to go surgery like this, that you stop smoking? He was referring to other patients, tapi mak sentap la kejap. Huhu. Doktor ni macam tau la plak.

Bila balik tu tengok email inbox yang beribu riban, tiber je rasa sesak nafas. Haihh..Just called me mom, and dad will be discharged today. Alhamdulillah. I pray and hope that he will be a better person than he used to be, since dah given 2nd chance and pakai recycle parts ni kan..

Till we meet again.





We were not in Sibu, but my bro saw this that night and was excited as he claimed he saw UFO siotss.. We laughed calling him delusional sbb masa kecik tak dapat jumpa UFO. Skali esoknya..keluar paper daa..they said it's object pegun. Tapi my bro said pegun apanya..siap leh round round naik atas bawah lagi..he still insist that was a UFO and he's the chosen one kunun..And tis is far more gempakk than nampak Ju-On..Hahaha..ape ape la bang oii..janji happy.

I guess, there's always miracles and things that transcended our mind that we tend to forget, lies somewhere to remind us how small we are and such limited knowledge we have to even imagine about it. And as long as we know that's the fact, we need to keep our humanity and strive for knowledge. Macam cikgu la plak.. Ok la bye.