Hospital day

My dad is having his bypass operation this morning. Last Saturday and Sunday, my brother, mom and myself spent half a day scouting for big pharmacies around town to buy some medical stuff for the operation preparation. We have one Indian lady who tag along with us to find same items for her husband's operation too. She's from Perak and has no one to help her to source for it. Kesian dia.

We got the list on Friday evening and it's so ridiculous that we also need to decipher the doctor's handwriting and the pressure when 1 item was nowhere to found in any pharmacies. All major pharmacies like in hospitals and IJN operated only during working hours and not on weekend. My daughter asked me why do we need to buy those items, which is quite basic and why the hospital not providing them? That's when my stress and tiredness seeped in and curse the previous government for cutting out the hospitalization budget to pay off for their corrupted wrong doings. I mean if they want us to pay, at least they can order those items from the supplier and charge us later, that would help. But I guess, they just don't have the money to buy it and in end pass that responsibility to the people. Asshole! Don't get me wrong, I'm not angry with the hospitals, I'm angry with the previous government. I heard even the doctors have to buy their own surgical gloves. Rubbish!

So after series of races to pharmacies, we left hospital for stepdad to rest. Nothing much to wait since the operation was in 2 days. My bro was driving me and mom back when suddenly mom said "hah boleh la gi tengok rumah Marissa". Boy at that moment my heart jumped with happiness. You see, I've been living on my own for 4 years now and not even once my mom came to my house. Every time I invited her to come, she gave many excuses not to come. We had few argument on why she seems to be avoiding coming to my house. It breaks my heart and hers too. So I decided since then, that I won't even ask her to come anymore. My house is opened to her anytime and it's up to her when she wanna come. I don't want to put pressure on her anymore, because I know she really wanted to come but she's more concern about my stepdad and she's making up those excuses for him. My stepdad and I and even my other siblings had not been in good term few years back since he became religious. He would scold, belittling and say irritating things to us and our kids and because we don't want to be disrespectful, we started to avoid him and consequently not visiting our mother. Because in the end, mom would be the one who need to suffer to hear his grumbling about us. It's not fair for mom and I know she's suffering too. But mom being a loyal and obedient wife, she would submit and swallow everything. She knows and I can't change her for that.

For me, the major reason that I'm here with mom is because she needs me. I do owe my stepdad for helping me out during my divorce but some of his actions were unacceptable to me after he changed to be entirely different person. He used to be so jovial, open minded and we would sit together and discuss and laughed about many things. I listen to his advices and respected him very much for his wisdom. Now, he's totally the opposite, tense and finding faults in every conversations.

God knows how happy I was when mom stepped into my house. I didn't manage to give her tour to the pool area to impress her more coz it's raining and my bro was in rush also. She looked happy and told me " boleh la kita buat makan-makan". I replied her "I always do makan-makan.. mami je yang tak nak datang". Dushh.. and she replied with her default answer "bukan tak nak datang, tapi ada je hal dan masa tak kena". Well, she was referring to their other functions she needs to attend, which for me looks like it's more important than my invite and it's not only one time. Well, I guess I know the real reason behind it, but I still gave her the benefit of doubt. It always occur to me, as a mother didn't she even want to see my place? See if her daughter have a safe and proper place to stay? Didn't she want to know if I'm doing ok? I've never live on my own before and I'm now living alone. Anyway, I'm just happy that she came.

Another weird thing happen since then with my stepdad. When I see him at the hospital, I was just behaving like normal me, coz I don't know how to pretend and create awkwardness. My stepdad seems to be in his jovial self like he used to be. We make politic jokes and laughed again. I was always that person who makes him laugh before. I know how to make classy jokes you know. It feels good to make him at ease again so he can prepare his mind for the surgery.

Mom told me that my stepdad asked her what was it that I was so angry to him before, till I no longer visited them for long time. Well, not a surprised that he asked that question. He's a person that hardly see and assess himself thus found nothing's wrong with him except others. To even ask that question without trying to understand why doesn't make any different. I guess that question just dawned on to him when he's facing matter of life and death before the surgery. I bet he'll be back to his arrogant and "I know all and I'm always right' attitude when he's back in good health. I don't expect much change but as a daughter, I try to make it easier whenever I can for him and mom.