I'm not sure where to start or how to tell part of my life that started almost 5 years ago. But I know I have to write this somewhere for reasons I predict could happen someday. And I pray God will always give me courage and faith to stand this challenge as long as I could. And if you know me and are reading this, then you know that you're reading this for some reasons that I've listed below. Love is sacred. But when love is used to manipulate mind, body and soul, it got mutilated.
- I need to write this because I have no one to turn to. I can't tell anyone coz I do not want to use and be used under this circumstances, I mean I try not to. But sometimes when I'm in desperation of finding my way out, I let myself to use and be used and I'm so sorry for that.
- I need to write this because if I'm dead, no one would ever know the real story of me.
- I need to write this because I want you to know that I was never a whore. Please forgive me for not being one. I was never a good wife because I can't never be a good whore. Your license for me to fuck around and tell was never been used so far as I always come out with reasons to avoid from doing it. Forgive me for the disappointment. Thanks to you, fucking is now my forte though it could never satisfy you, coz I can never be a whore.
- I want you to know that my mind, body heart and soul, after all these years are severely tormented by your game, words, humiliations and hates. And I will always forgive you.
- I know you love me, but you have always love yourself more. And I understand that coz after all these manipulations I myself begin to believe that I'm a whore and deserve not to be loved at all. I can never be a good wife or mother. Even as a women I will always seen despicable in your eyes. I'm no use unless your sex drive is fulfilled. And that's the only time you would kiss me and said that you loved me. And that's the only moment I feel worth.
- You always make it clear you're my savior. That despite of the whore I am, you still love me. How honorable of you to love me for who I am and that no other person is willing to do that for me. And because of the whore I am, for more than 5 years, there is no single day passed by without you reminding me how low life person I am. And I would just smile about it coz I know you just love doing that. And I just hope nothing but happiness for you.
- I need to write this coz I'm just afraid that out of desperation to fulfill your sexual needs, I end up doing things that I should not be doing if I'm sensible.
- I write this coz I'm losing myself and there's no way out of here. I need to stay coz they need me more than I need myself. This is my life. Welcome to the story of my twisted love.
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