and the battle begins - Part I

It has been 3 weeks since the day I left my 'rumah kelamin' and staying with my mom. Well actually cramped along with mom, dad, my younger brother, my sister and her kids. The first few days, I slept in the living hall in front of the tv with my travel mattress, pillow and cover. So long bouncy bed and fluffy pillow..huhuhu..But after few days I got to sleep in my brother's room sebab sakit belakang la tido atas tilam nipis.

It was a mixed feeling really. Feeling of the sudden freedom in hand and you don't know what to do about it, feeling happy that I finally manage to get myself away from him but at the same time missing my kids so much. 

The very next morning at mom's house, which was Saturday, I really don't know what to do since I no longer have house chores to do, mountains of clothes to fold, cook or bring my kids for breakfast, dinner or jalan2. Bangun-bangun je..nganga..tatau nak buat apa. So after awhile cleaned up the living hall and went to Ikea to buy some nice storage box to keep my clothes nicely. 

Actually, those were most crucial and toughest weeks for me to endure until the next court mention day. He relentlessly whatsup and called me and even sometimes asked the kids to call me, crying over the phone asking me to not leave them and come back home. He told me that he didn't sleep well for many nights thinking about me and the divorce. His blood pleasure went up and having stiff neck and back pain and many other things. Serabut giler!!! I can't think straight and even my office mates were telling muka pon dah hilang seri dewi malam giteww..Arghh!!

1st week

Where he was furious and crying sad at same time. He was telling me that he don't give a shit about me asking for divorce but with my penyata saman it involve his maruah! Bingo! 

His maruah is his weaknesses and that's my weapon. He and his father portray that they are pious, respectable person within their own society and clans and their dark secret is in my hand to reveal and bring them down. Siap kecoh nak panggil press tu nak citer kat semua! Bodoh tahap gaban.. 

Then he started asking forgiveness - you are the only one for me..jangan berdendam dan jangan dengar cakap orang lain (he was implying to my dad and my best friend who is a divorcee that has been influencing me to hidup bebas..katanya la. Biasa la blaming on others except himself)

Please reconsider and forgive me...I love you until I die...only you wife I dunia and akhirat...hahaha..penipu weiii!! Ko citer apa bro!! Nanti kan dapat 72 virgins..wa dapat 1 man jeww..(virgin ke idok mak tak pasti la noks)

Seeking for sympathy saying that he lost weight thinking about me and scared of what he's going through, cannot sleep well and eat well, cannot live without me.. blablablabla

Then he start talking about money because he need to pay additional cost to my Iddah. Telling me how transportation cost risen up to 150%.. and that he told the kids that he's going to rent house / apartment near school so they can walk to school because he can't afford to stay in big house because mommy is no longer around to help. Useless bastard!! How could he dragged the kids in his mess and share his burden with the kids. Tak guna punya bapak!!

2nd week

Tactic biasa by using the kids in which is the only thing we have in common. Start talking about the kids..using them ...how my son told him last time he loves his mom but now... dot dot dot..leaving hanging sentences thinking that I would asked him to continue.. I didn't coz i need to show that I didn't care what my kids think about me. Otherwise he will continue using the kids for his benefit and hurting them emotionally.

Persuading me to sleep in the guest room for the last time (right!! pastu ko rogol aku la bastard!).. and just to make the kids feel happy..to talk to all of them together what will be happening.. to show them we are not fighting.

Saying that the kids miss me and can see their sadness..waiting for me to drop by house and suap makan..that's he's the one who experiencing their sufferings..because they are closer to me...coz  rajin layan and pamper them..telling me that every morning adik searched for me in the back room to see if I'm there... and my son keep on asking everyday, if I'm coming back or not. He said he knows that I call them everyday but it's different and he want the kids to always feel my presence around. That if I'm at the house he don't mind to go out so that I can spend my time with the kids in the house. Ask me to cook and play with them and enjoy the time with them..asking me not to think it's not important coz they need love from mother as its different from father love (bodoh). Hoping that I understand their needs and and its all nothing but love and that we are still husband and wife and can't show them that we are fighting wtf. That's the reason he asked to sleep there and can stay together like nothing happen and that I shouldn't leave them just like that..run away and to at least make them aware what will happen after this. 

He's asking me to consider otherwise no turning back time and he might give me max..sorry ye I might give you max..and u asked for it and deserve it.. cewahhhh macam baguss!!! Kalau boleh you jatuh je talak 150juta boleh?.. Mak lagi sukee sangat yewww!

Keep on asking me not to make him my enemy and stranger (giler! I want to puke on his face) and reasons why I filed for the divorce. He said he don't think it's coming from me..because he knows me well..and keep asking same questions over and over again.

So he kept on texting me every hours about his feelings and that he has no one to talk to not even to his siblings or father (hopkoz la bro..I'm your trophy wife kan.. me leaving you is a total disaster and failure of your life)

Mencurahkan perasaan, detailing his feeling from the day he received the summon, how he was so shocked to read the penyata saman and didn't believe that I'm the one that make that statement. How his mind went crazy when he called me and I sounded calm. I asked him to read back the summon statement which has more than 20 points listed and there are many more unwritten in it. That's the reason! Then he just laughed..HAHAHAHAHA and told me that all those points were just hearsay, and there's no prove to it. No one will believe me and that all people will then know how sex manic I am.

I told him to tell that to the judge in court and he can bring whatever evidence that he might think he has and I can counter each one of it, because I'm the victim and I remember everything that hurts. And the judge will see how severe were those claims and that he's not even fit to be custodian to the kids. Silap-silap hakim refer kes ni kat polis under civil law baru tau..then it's time for me to laugh at him HAHAHAHAH..macam tu. Terus senyap tak jawap. Then he called me again. Marrrr..please don't do that..please pull back your summon...I love you so much. Marrr pleaseeee..jangan buat I macam ni Marrr!!

He came to see my stepdad, but he was bashed straight up. He was talking about how I had many affairs since early stage of marriage and saying that he has all my confessions written on paper about it. And I pressured him back.

You think ada ke isteri yang waras nak buat confession kat suami dia, tentang semua lelaki yang dia tidur kalau tak di paksa? 

You tunjuk dad as if it's my confession, but did you show him your questions where you asked me to tell those stories? Ada ke suami yang tak gila suruh isteri put it in writing? And after dah dapat confession tu, ada tak suami yang waras tak mengamuk atau marah tahu isteri dia curang? Ada tak??? You je cakap by me doing that you loved me more because I share my pleasure with you and you're happy for it. Gila ke hapa tu?

Ada tak you cakap kat dad that you need those stories untuk buat you stim and untuk u pancut? Kenapa tak cakap?? Bila I kasik you cerita melayu, you nak citer cinaindasingh. Bila I holiday kat Europe pon you push me to provide citer pasal omputih. Ada cakap tak ???

I thought I can have my peacefulness yet you make me feel guilty for ditching my responsibilities as wife and mother while having fun with my friends in UKParis  and I have to compensate that with stories to satisfy you. You tau tak I was pregnant that time and was having bad nausea and vomits and have to find place that have internet connection just to email you those stories??

The many reasons I created those stories were because I was pushed and pressured to the max. At same time you're indicating as if I'm not good in fucking and that the only thing a wife can do to help satisfy his husband is with me telling all those fucking stories and I kesian kat you. And my biggest mistake was because I kesian kat you. That's all. And even when I said that its all creation, you blocked your brain and still believes those were true. You tau tak..I rasa nak muntah every time I had to write you those stories??

Dah..la Marr..I tak ingat cerita-cerita lama tu. I need to do that so that I know you were not cheating on me.

WTF!!! You jangan nak buat-buat lupa bodoh la dengan bipolar you tu.

How he paid many things like my car (iyola tu - duit orang bayar untuk eksiden pon sapu, pakai minyak full tank sampai kering tak refill, mak jugak la carik stesen minyak pepagi Isnin takut minyak habis dalam jem, touch n  go balik kampung parents pon sapu) and blaming many things on me. Like how I didn't cook dinner or do ironing and he had to pay for all that. WTF! But he only said this to my dad when I was not around that time.

But my dad attacked him hard asking him for the proof and who are my boyfriends hand if I really do have, means that he haven't been taking care of me well and for me to do something like this means that he must have done something really bad to me. Terus senyap and he hates my dad from that day onwards, blaming him for not supporting him to reconcile with me.

He said he's been crying everyday and that luckily the kids were there to console and calm him down. And this gave perceptions to the kids that mom is irresponsible to run away and making their father's life devastated.  

He told me that the worst part is to hear me telling that I dont have heart for him and I can't stay with him and that he need to see doctor. (he said he's willing to put in condition in order for me to come back to him) and I told him that it's not about me..it's about you..you're sick and I will never go back to you ever.

Asking me to sympathize him by responding to all his wassups to just acknowledge that I read all his messages but I didn't replied. And asked me to reply so that at least he wouldn't give me max talak even though he still divorce me. Seee..he still thinks that he's the master playing god to my life.

I know I was torturing him because I didn't reply to him. He knows he no longer can control me and that freaks him out.

He felt sad that I did that to him but he didn't feel angry because he then know that he really loves me (too late bro) and can't accept the fact that he's loosing me because I am a good hearted person, sincere and perfect for him. Tiberrr... ayat-ayat yang sudah tidak bermakna la bro!

Perverted world

 

* all snapshots courtesy of MrG. Thank you :)