1Q end

The first quarter has closed. The past few days were most busiest and craziest days. Stresses were mounting like shit and when people started to act like dumb ass. Anyways..it's also good for me to re asses what I've achieved so far.

It's all about stability, security and future needs in case anything happened, I'm prepared and can support my kids. Or if I'm dead, pray for me. I guess over times I'm getting more sensible to what kinda shit I'm in. I'm able to set my emotions and feelings aside and be objective on things that I'm suppose to do. So basically it's about performing my responsibility as wife and mother. No doubt I love my kids, but with him it's just making sure that he's comfortable as much as possible.

1. I'm blessed that I've got a promotion with effect this month. Not sure how much increment I would get, hopefully it will be at least $1K la..sedap sket..but of course it comes with heavier responsibility and different pressure. I love my job and I'm getting good pay for it. So syukur.
2. I need to be more cautious with my spending. Need to reduce spending on those bags and shoes and make ups and hairs and clothes. I need to pile up my savings yang tak berapa menarik tu..It's about time I have few grands in my account la. I need to be secretive about my money as well, else he would make his plan for it - ask me to pay things and then buat-buat lupa plak. When I got married to him, I don't know how much money he's doing. It doesn't matter to me really. But I got pissed when his dad told me that he knew my salary and all. Well I got to know later that his dad like to know and compare everybody's salary and earnings. Duh! And he is very calculative with his money. He said I pay all the foods for breakfast and dinner because I don't cook. And when I ask for money, he gave me face. Malass siotss. Rasa macam pengemis nak kasik anak makan sendiri. I remember there's one day we went to EPF for housing withdrawals. And he asked if I had put in the EPF nominees upon my death, I said not yet. So he took the form and asked me to fill up. So dengan rela hatinya.. I put his name and submit. Then I asked him did he put my name. He said he need to think first and end up putting my kids name and mine? zitsss..I don't care about the money, but it's a testament to his trust and love. For me, when I'm dead, those money have no use to me. I just wish that it will help him and my kids to move on comfortably. That's all. And I asked him, why didn't he put my name? He said that I will happily enjoying the money when he's dead, buy convertible car, have lotsa man and forgot about the kids. I was like wow..never thought of that. After all those sacrifices I've made, he really think of me that way. Well..I would probably just do that I guess, though I definitely will not ignore my kids.
3. I'm in process of fighting back. I try to ignore his request. When he didn't get what he wants, he will insult me. And worst, he will beg me to say that I should have understand him and that's the only way to make him fuck me and satisfy him and I pity him, so I gave in. When he insulted me the next day, I told him whatever fucks I had with other man was a lie, he was angry. He said that I'm just too ashamed to admit that I'm such a whore, that every man came in contact with me only to fuck and nothing else and that's how cheap I am. I just ignore it. So for few weeks now, he's like in a detox session. He stopped surfing the net for se#stories or se#vid, because he said mine are the best and he can't see me in their stories. So wa tak layan..all he did now is to sleep. So I feel good and free..hehehe
4. He asked me that day 'you dah jadi baik ke sekarang? or you dah tak laku lagi ?' I just told him, I malas nak layan. And again, he will said ' if you want me to fuck you tonite, set a chat with so and so. Baru la semangat sikit. So I malas nak layan. So that nite he asked again.. so is it on? I told him..nobody's around to chat..so he pretend to sleep. And before he slept, he said 'you go and fuck yourself..you know where it is! And I was like okayyyy..yayyy...so I blast my brain off having multiple clit-Os with the vibrators..kinda funny though..dok mengerang meraung sorang2 atas katil while he's sleeping..but watehek..I'm in my own world of ecstasy mann...who can give me multiple Os like adildo can? So far nooo.. sorry arr..but that's the benchmark la kan..hehehe.. but like I said..it's still not a complete course until you get that hardhotbloodedcock into you cunt for closure. So pepandai la to make it stand up for you for nice closure kan. So I'm selfish like that la..opssie terbabas plak. So I'm happy.
5. He's not talking to me last few days. I've lost track for what reason anyways. His fault finding on me are no ending stories. When I'm ignoring his nagging, he turn it on to the kids, sampai the kids pon confused and sad. So I took them out to eat last nite, coz he don't ask whether the kids have eaten or not. For him that's my responsibility. So before I went out, I asked him if he want to follow or what he wants to eat? After few times asking , then he said he's not eating. So me and kids went out to eat K-epchi. And when we came back, and kids were about to sleep, he started to ask my daughter where she went and what she had for dinner and did she bought anything for him. Budak kecik tu cakap la takde, and he said that he wanted to eat bread and ask her to pity him as he has nothing to eat  for dinner. Wa buat bodo je la..that was so predictable. Dalam hati cakap la..padan muka. Last time when he sulked up, I still bought him food but he didn't touch it, last2 buang je. He always like to make me feel guilty of everything, but I don't feel that anymore. I'm learning how to be cruel in order to be good I guess.
6. Last but not least, I need to keep my 5 times prayer. Asik terbabas je. I know my meeting schedules are crazy, I need to be good in slotting time for it. Else everything will have no meaning. I know.

So basically, this quarter has made a good progress and it's about controlling him, taking charge of my happiness, keeping the money and sex? I think I had enough with man. If there's no need for them, I just keep them in that begging games. Jahat siotsss...muahahaha..

Ni dipanggil mulut donald duck.. I've bought very red lipstick yesterday..tersilap color actually..mine normally not that red. It drew different kinda reaction and attention yesterday..mmm..tis is something new that I've learned..no wonder sexy women wear daring red..and I'm still learning..Mmmm..nak pi test jap la..if its long lasting..muahahaha