it's raining not in Spain

Musim-musim sejuk begini kadang kala bisa mengundang pelbagai ereksi. Masalah! Not to me but I guess to many that have issue in controlling those lively creatures under their pants.

Again I'm in different kinda life phase now. No more pressure being setup to fuck some man, share hornychats, dickpictures or tell stories about those men that crazy about getting inside me. 'Crazy' tu ayat-ayat budget je..dengan harapan wa akan tersungkur dalam pujuk rayu mereka. 'Crazy' itu juga ayat-ayat from him to sort of to make me feel good, and so I would share stories with him on who actually said that and make him wanted to fuck me. Oh! Sungguh tidak la kan. Wa sekarang buat bodo je. Marah pon iye. It's not something that I'm proud of, really.

Takat wa layan test skill je boleh la. Tapi kalau total reject kesian plak kan..And I did it slowly dan penuh kasih sayang. Mereka juga manusia yang lemah. Ada masa dia tegak ada masa dia terkulai di atas batu jembala :) So layan je secara berhemah, sebab wa adalah seorang yg budiman gitu. Biasa la.. man, they always thought they are the master of the game, budget boleh makan..so wa kasik chance la for them to think that way.. And fuckers always thought - Hey real man don't buy sex babe! Kesian, not with me. When it's time to let go, I let go. They all have no essence to my life.

Disposing period can be fun. To let them know how it feels to be unwanted. Let them wonder were they not good? Let them ponder... kecik sgt ke? Tak cukup panjang ke? Performance tahap cipan ke? Let them live with the thoughts that they are not that great after all. Over years, I learn that their dicky are their most important asset coz it can superseeds their brain. It also the cause  to many health problems like migraine, hypertension, stiff neck, sesak nafas (stok-stok air dah bertakung kat otak). Only those that are strong can really maneuver it?. Tu pon ramai yang struggling, I guess. I don't know exact really, like I said before I don't have penis I can play with anyways.

Pandai dalam merayu dan memujuk. Janganlah mudah terpedaya wahai anak-anak dan adik-adik ku. It's all games sayang. It's thrilling for both, but they have ulterior motives and you are naive. You'll loose and worst your soul. Jadilah wanita yang bijak..jangan jadik cam hakak ni hah kay sayang!

Yang direct ajak main pun ada, so wa reject pun direct jugak..senang citer, but we remain acquaintance. We both know the games. They share with me what they do with their fuckbuddies. All I need is their stories to remind me how these kinda men do exist, know their games and how sleek they are. 

Yang berhalus dan main pusing-pusing pun ada but we follow the game la. They are not that harmful. All you gotta do is to demonstrate how you have good faith in all their doings and saying. I gotta repo to maintain anyways (*what kinda repo u have? U kan FOC! Like what he always said..duhh!) .The need to look naive but not stupid. Just careful.

They are now dispensable and I no longer need them for him. It's another phase that I need to deal with. He's more incline to watching porn or visiting sexstoriesblog on web in which I'm not stopping him at all. I just felt relieved from the burden and pressure to provide him those shits. But after few months, it's another different stories. You know how this filthy things can be so addictive and spoil your brain and eyes. Weekends became unproductive. What he would do is just eat and lay on bed and surf the net tengok porn. Alasan, sebab kurang sihat and need to rest, yeah right. I was so pissed coz he's not helping at all. And I don't even have a minute to rest. And at night dah bila menyondol-nyondol, I just ignore him and made him angry..siap sound..Kang I carik lain layan I baru tau..

Wa buat donno..pegi lerr..I was having my period pain siotss..tu pon dia taktau..period pain ni sakit dia lebih kurang macam contraction nak beranak la..so memang la sakit..especially kalau yang strong. I can't really talk much, sebab terlalu sakit sampai berdengung rasa kepala. Pastu merajuk plak sebab burung dia tak de sarang nak hinggap. Haihh..stress wa.

Well, it's more of dealing with his life rather than mine. Penat tu memang la weihh!! Coz it's definitely not the kind of life you wanted. I'm too ashamed to think of life I want anyways. I have my kids, that's enough for me.

Talking about rain, I still have to take his laundry in middle of the rain. When I ask him why he can't do it? I mean can't he do it at least once? He said coz I'm stronger and he's trapped in traffic that evening and he's tired bla bla bla..like I'm not? Apa gunanya seorang isteri kan..jika tidak untuk mengumbirakan dan memudahkan hidup seorang suami...Duhhh!!

Tapi yelah..kesabaran tu masih ada. Sabar je la walaupun terang-terang memang kena bully dengan suami sendiri. He is the reason for all this love? and hate for man. He taught all the things I need to know about man so that I understand his needs and others, satisfy him and can be his toys always. And I have the obligation to protect and teach my dotter and son to be good person. Arghh such a conflicting character a person can have. Dangerous I know.

No more tears, just consoling myself that there is something bigger than this. And it's just part of the preparation. It doesn't matter if it's not true, because I just need some hope to hold on. That's all I can do and that is what I'm best at (*besides sex - kasik credit sendiri).

I'm having BBQ near poolside this evening. Hari-hari asik ujan je ni.. Hopefully it will not rain please! Else makan ayam goreng je lerr.. Have nice rest uols.

 

*taktau ahh caner nak rotate ini pic..that's my feet alright..just wish I can have this view everyday :)