It’s finally over today. I’ve done it. I have freed myself from the ruthless past and won fight to claim my sanity and dignity back again. At point of writing this, I still don’t know what to feel. Yes I am happy yet I’m not sure what kind of happiness it is. If I may describe it metaphorically, it’s like seeing me in a white thin long dress, spreading a long white shawl holding it with both hands and spreading it over my head, smiling and dancing round and round in a wide misty moor under the moonlight. Whoaaa..jiwang sehh!! I just could not believe that it’s finally over. I still remember last 2 months that he said he won’t make it an easy gateway for me and I knew he would.
I have lost hope before and never thought I could have made the journey to this extend. Well yeah!! It was finally over babeh. It’s time to move forward now and no longer looking back. I have another whole long new journey to go through and it’s solely up to me to chart it again, to decide how and what I’m going to make it. I’ve been given second chance to life and I must not ruin it on my own capacity. It’s my life and I decide how it’s going to be. It’s a huge responsibility now mann! Plan plan plan! I need plan!
I could had never reached this path without help from my parents, siblings and closest friends who gave me the support when I needed them. And above all I am indebted to my savior, my hero and my angel who has been with me from the start, to guide and inspire me tirelessly. He saved me from darkness and gives me light to a whole new life. How a person was willing to help another person whom he barely knew in less than 2 months? Ni bukan standard tolong-tolong tukar tayar bocor tepi jalan ye. If I were to take the whole package of help it would cover a psychologist, a consultant, a banker, a doctor, a profiler, a researcher, a maharaja lawak mega, a warden asrama yang garang and an artist who appreciate fine arts and beauty. And it covers almost a 24/7 services. Dasattt!!! Oh one more thing.. he was there too.. waiting in the car at the court parking compound till my court hearing was over. So pakej cover reporter jugak la! I didn’t ask him to come but his near presence did give me strength when my ex was reading the lafaz. I almost break down, but his words came to my mind – “dia dera awak for 15 years..dia hina awak..how can you let someone did that to you?? You don’t deserve that!”
And I had my strength back again and not a single tear ran out and in fact I was calm. Really calm.
The marriage dissolution was done with both consents. The reasons or summon statements were not mentioned in courts as not to put both Plaintiff (me) and Defendant in shame (tidak mengaibkan kedua-dua pihak). Both has agreed on the terms and condition of the settlement. Under the Mahkamah Syariah jurisdiction, he has agreed to pay sum of Iddah and Mutaah and no nafkah to be paid as the children will be under his custody. He raised his concern about the harta sepencarian to the judge (ni kes sebab takut I’ll take all things in the hosue that I bought. Giler tak tau malu). However the judge mentioned that he needed to file that in High Court as it’s not under Mahkamah Syariah jurisdiction. Same goes to the other petty points.
He read the lafaz talak with heavy heart, I know. He cried even before he started to read the statement. He asked the judge for few seconds to compose himself before reading the statement.
Bismillahirrahmannirahim. Saya Mr Abuser dengan ini melafazkan cerai ke atas Marissa dengan talak 1 …
I was staring at him when he read that statement. No tears shed from my eyes.
Outside the court he almost lost himself. He started to call my dad (what the hell he called my dad for!!) and I was pissed coz I know my dad just came out from OT for his endoscope procedures. Then he called my daughter and my mom! He was saying that it’s all over and was asking for apologies. Watefak la..Pehal ko tak tepon bapak kesayangan ko tu!
He walked off to his car then came back again and talked to my step dad and walk off back to his car again. My step dad told me that he didn’t understand what the hell he was saying. I told my dad that he’s not that strong after all and what he has done to me came back haunting and is eating him up.
He looked very disturbed and angry. He didn’t even looked at me because he knew that he has lost the battle to me. He never like to loose to anything. You can know by the way he drives his car. I had been in many situations where he would stop the car in middle of road or in chasing pursuit just because someone overtook him or driving near to the car bumper. It was a crazy situation where I would just sit quietly in car praying that nothing bad happened to me and the kids. There was one time he quarreled with a man by a roadside because that man car scratched his side mirror. It was dragged to a nearby police station for the police officer to settle it. Memang gila! His temper did scare me and my kids.
I no longer afraid of him but my dad advised me to be careful. He may get a bit haywire and not able to accept that I no longer his wife and ended up doing something out of his mind. Ok I will and hopefully I’ll be protected from harm always.
I’m OK but I’m just sad thinking about my kids. No mother would dessert their kids they care since birth unless there’s no other choice in life. I hope they will understand one day why their mother has to take this path and forgive me for leaving them. I hope.
I have lost hope before and never thought I could have made the journey to this extend. Well yeah!! It was finally over babeh. It’s time to move forward now and no longer looking back. I have another whole long new journey to go through and it’s solely up to me to chart it again, to decide how and what I’m going to make it. I’ve been given second chance to life and I must not ruin it on my own capacity. It’s my life and I decide how it’s going to be. It’s a huge responsibility now mann! Plan plan plan! I need plan!
I could had never reached this path without help from my parents, siblings and closest friends who gave me the support when I needed them. And above all I am indebted to my savior, my hero and my angel who has been with me from the start, to guide and inspire me tirelessly. He saved me from darkness and gives me light to a whole new life. How a person was willing to help another person whom he barely knew in less than 2 months? Ni bukan standard tolong-tolong tukar tayar bocor tepi jalan ye. If I were to take the whole package of help it would cover a psychologist, a consultant, a banker, a doctor, a profiler, a researcher, a maharaja lawak mega, a warden asrama yang garang and an artist who appreciate fine arts and beauty. And it covers almost a 24/7 services. Dasattt!!! Oh one more thing.. he was there too.. waiting in the car at the court parking compound till my court hearing was over. So pakej cover reporter jugak la! I didn’t ask him to come but his near presence did give me strength when my ex was reading the lafaz. I almost break down, but his words came to my mind – “dia dera awak for 15 years..dia hina awak..how can you let someone did that to you?? You don’t deserve that!”
And I had my strength back again and not a single tear ran out and in fact I was calm. Really calm.
The marriage dissolution was done with both consents. The reasons or summon statements were not mentioned in courts as not to put both Plaintiff (me) and Defendant in shame (tidak mengaibkan kedua-dua pihak). Both has agreed on the terms and condition of the settlement. Under the Mahkamah Syariah jurisdiction, he has agreed to pay sum of Iddah and Mutaah and no nafkah to be paid as the children will be under his custody. He raised his concern about the harta sepencarian to the judge (ni kes sebab takut I’ll take all things in the hosue that I bought. Giler tak tau malu). However the judge mentioned that he needed to file that in High Court as it’s not under Mahkamah Syariah jurisdiction. Same goes to the other petty points.
He read the lafaz talak with heavy heart, I know. He cried even before he started to read the statement. He asked the judge for few seconds to compose himself before reading the statement.
Bismillahirrahmannirahim. Saya Mr Abuser dengan ini melafazkan cerai ke atas Marissa dengan talak 1 …
I was staring at him when he read that statement. No tears shed from my eyes.
Outside the court he almost lost himself. He started to call my dad (what the hell he called my dad for!!) and I was pissed coz I know my dad just came out from OT for his endoscope procedures. Then he called my daughter and my mom! He was saying that it’s all over and was asking for apologies. Watefak la..Pehal ko tak tepon bapak kesayangan ko tu!
He walked off to his car then came back again and talked to my step dad and walk off back to his car again. My step dad told me that he didn’t understand what the hell he was saying. I told my dad that he’s not that strong after all and what he has done to me came back haunting and is eating him up.
He looked very disturbed and angry. He didn’t even looked at me because he knew that he has lost the battle to me. He never like to loose to anything. You can know by the way he drives his car. I had been in many situations where he would stop the car in middle of road or in chasing pursuit just because someone overtook him or driving near to the car bumper. It was a crazy situation where I would just sit quietly in car praying that nothing bad happened to me and the kids. There was one time he quarreled with a man by a roadside because that man car scratched his side mirror. It was dragged to a nearby police station for the police officer to settle it. Memang gila! His temper did scare me and my kids.
I no longer afraid of him but my dad advised me to be careful. He may get a bit haywire and not able to accept that I no longer his wife and ended up doing something out of his mind. Ok I will and hopefully I’ll be protected from harm always.
I’m OK but I’m just sad thinking about my kids. No mother would dessert their kids they care since birth unless there’s no other choice in life. I hope they will understand one day why their mother has to take this path and forgive me for leaving them. I hope.
It's over now..mari kita tepuk pengakap!! Adios.
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2 comments:
Tahniah Mar. You did it :)
Moga Allah permudahkanmu atas urusan yg seterusnya.
-belacak-
Thank you Belacak..Insyaallah :)
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